Daryl Wood's Blog

I’m struck again this morning with the powerful awareness of how much I still have to learn about myself. This comes from noticing how consuming my anger is right now and being both a fascinated observer and a trapped victim. There is something going on here and I’m pulled between wanting to lash out and express it and ironically, withdraw and avoid the intensity.

Releasing it by shouting or pounding or some other physical action might prove cathartic AND what I know stops me from doing that is the equally strong sense that a very big nerve has been stepped on. Typically some value has been compromised or challenged. Knowing that, I am cautious about letting go of my feelings until I make the connection. Uncovering what can touch me so sharply will serve me in relationships and in life. Ranting and complaining won’t. It will only give me temporary relief.

Then again, maybe I need to stamp my feet and have a tantrum to get to the root of the anger more quickly. Surely something that comes out of my mouth will be a clue!

I’m feeling lighter now as I survey my reaction and pay attention to my words. My impatience with answers is a reflection of my longing to “get it”. Sometimes I just have to wait and while it may not be healthy for my body, I hold the tension a little longer.

A few hours later … following my impulse to move (my body loves to move when I am wondering) I showered, dressed and began cleaning up my desk. Miraculously (I’m trying not to grin and shake my head) I have come to an understanding within myself. It will all work out. It always has. It always does. I am conscious, present and listening.