Daryl Wood's Blog

In Louise Hay’s groundbreaking movie “You Can Heal Your Life” there is a segment with Cheryl Richardson reminds us to choose our source of learning and support wisely. Cheryl’s reference to not go to the hardware store for milk was completely aligned with what I’ve painfully experienced in my own search for comfort. It has taken me literally two decades to fully understand that there are some people in my life, although we love each other dearly, are not the right people for me to share some of my angst or woe with. Even if I really, really want to tell them what I’m feeling!

A wise teacher once told me not to ask things of people that they don’t have the capacity to give me. At first, I was taken aback and felt that I would be unfairly judging someone. What I realized with time was that my own life’s journey made me an ideal person to ‘hold space’ for some people needing empathy and compassion. The key word is ‘some’ people. Not everyone. I’m just not the best fit. Period. And the same applies to others. For example, sometimes I can’t help myself and I start giving advice or relating a similar story. It happens in a flash and when it does, I’m done. I’m in my Rescuer role which never serves either of us.

Whether we are biologically connected or best friends, there are times when what we need is only available from someone else; someone who can really be with us through a challenge without the glare of history or preconceived ideas. It needs to be said that I am blessed with lots of coaches who are friends and even they don’t always fit the bill. Sometimes, just like me, they want to fix when ‘being with’ is all I need.

The big lesson for me is to be kind to those who don’t ‘hear’ me and lovingly accept them for where they are. No judgement. No animosity. No shaming. No regrets. Love them for what they do bring into my life and don’t make the relationship messy by going to them with things they aren’t able to handle.