Daryl Wood's Blog

There was this moment in the midst of yesterday’s sobs when I picked up my journal and began to write to Doug and whoever else might be listening (including myself). As I wailed through tears about the constant, rolling memories that hurt my heart, a little message touched my mind and I almost missed it. There was no voice and it seemed more like a concept or question related to any number of teachers I’ve followed in my thirty years of consciousness and personal growth.

It felt, more than sounded, like this “What if all those little reminders of Doug are not random but rather his way of reaching out to you to remind you of his love?” I almost missed it because I was intent on pouring my pain onto the pages. But it was too intriguing to ignore. So I sat with the thought that maybe, just maybe, I could look at these instances that I call triggers and see them as gifts. Ooooooooh. (Please pause and read that again. I had to)

I’ve reread that paragraph several times. In the moment and every moment since then this feels like a truth. I am good at imagining and visualizing but what I am certain of is that I didn’t and couldn’t in my deep grief have come up with this. At least not in the middle of such angst.

Seeds have been planted for weeks by friends and resources I have tapped into. Now, they have come together to give me a new perspective, a different approach, a shift in mindset. All things I have taught through my retreats and workshops for more than two decades. Sometimes the teacher is reminded in the most impossible ways of what they teach. I am now the student (again) and noticing the impact of this new thought on my body, mind, emotions and spirit.

I wonder if it is too soon to write about this since it isn’t yet 24 hours since I had that awareness. But writing is what I do when I need to solidify something in my mind, to bring it in to my reality to be understood or analyzed or accepted or not. So here it is. Perhaps that infinitesimal light I see in the distance is love coming to greet me. Perhaps.