Daryl Wood's Blog

When Doug and I would tackle projects and I resisted he would say ‘There’s no second shift. We have to get it done.’ For him, that was the bottom line. There was no point in waiting for someone to come along and finish the job. This came from his years managing a team in a factory. Sometimes a job would be thought to take too long so they would leave it for the ‘second shift’. The second shift came in and got it done. But when he retired and there was no longer a second shift, he got things done himself.

I’m facing that now as I realize how many times I ‘left’ things for him to do or finish. We had a good working relationship of knowing how to make the best use of our strengths and work interdependently. And still, he was my ‘second shift’ in so many ways. I I have been reminded by many single friends that they have not had a ‘second shift’ for sometimes decades if ever. They are a little baffled because I’ve always seemed so capable and resourceful. Well, I still am. I just didn’t have to take responsibility for everything which is pretty common in a partnership.

I teach The Empowerment Dynamic* *TED*) and the similarities are eerie. When we feel victimized … and oh boy can a grieving widow like me ever feel more victimized than when they lose the love of their life … we pray for a Rescuer to save us from the terrible circumstances we face. And how many jobs that we would never have given a thought to do we now have to handle by ourselves?

How many times have I had to pick myself up and do something I didn’t want to because my ‘second shift’ was gone? And more importantly, how many times in the past did I push something off to my willing husband when I could have easily taken responsibility and finished something?

I am still in an acute state of grieving so I am being very compassionate towards myself as I sit back in amazement at how much learning I gave up because someone else was willing to do things for me. Not that Doug was always rescuing me. We both have the Rescuer gene so it played out at various times. What I’m learning now is that the strength of the Creator Role in TED* has already helped me prove myself capable of doing things I wouldn’t have thought about. Things like changing the trickle charger on the batteries stored for winter, splitting wood for kindling, learning to hook up the utility trailer, and putting salt in the water softener.

Rather than ask helpful neighbours to do lots of little jobs for me I’m pretty sure Doug is pleased that I’m taking on his ‘second shift’ role. And I kinda am too.