Daryl Wood's Blog

When my son asked how I was doing the first answer that popped into my head was a weather forecast analogy, “A mix of sun and cloud.” Afterwards I thought of adding “with 50% chance of rain”.

The sun is the best part. It is him checking in, walking with a friend, hugs at the grocery store, a smooth move from the Sarnia cottage, Lake Huron glistening from shore to shore, and so much more. The sun times are the reminder that the sun was always there even on the days I couldn’t see it. The sun calls for something heart soothing like a long walk or curled up with a book on a comfy couch with the rays of light pouring in. Everyone seems in a better mood when the sun is out. It feels like hope and possibility and freedom. It feels as if we can start over, renew our commitments, let go of worry.

I love Clouds. I see Doug’s messages of love in long plumes just like the ones that filled the sky when we first decided to live in Tobermory full time.

But cloudy days can feel heavy. They make things feel dark and closed in. We slow down a bit and pull back from energetic activities. And everyone talks about it. Everyone comments on what a dull day or how much they miss the sun. People don’t smile as much on cloudy days. Clouds hide the wide open space and weigh us down with their tightly wrapped shades of grey. No one seems happy and excited for clouds.

So that mix of sun and cloud is what grief feels like right now. I am bouncing from the joy of finding just the right help to move stacks of wood to the sadness of looking for pictures to sell Doug’s beloved boat. My heart is lightened by my friend’s acceptance of a dinner invitation and game night for the two of us while I struggle to find room to store all Doug’s much loved hats. That’s what a mix of sun and cloud can look like in my life and honestly, in everyone’s life. We all face that mix of sun and cloud, joy and sadness, weak and strong.

And the 50% chance of rain? Yup. The sun can bring on just as many tears of gratitude as the clouds bring on the tears of despair. Either way, we keep going, all of us, whatever the forecast.