Daryl Wood's Blog

On Saturday I handed over the keys to our much loved 20′ motor boat to a wonderful couple who loved Doug and will take his boat on a new journey. I know them well and know this outcome is better than I could have imagined. It is bittersweet and took the wind out of me for quite a while. Given the alternative, I’m happy.

Sunday I learned how to use an impact driver including changing bits and recharging. If you don’t know what that tool is, go online and check it out. It was so empowering I went back out before dark in my pajamas to do a little more work disassembling a small wooden frame. I felt triumphant.

And then this morning I pushed myself out the door to kayak with the sunrise. I’ve been waiting days and days for the lake to calm down. 3 degrees Celsius was not a deterrent because I’m halfway through my commitment to support the HNCA Move-a-thon fundraiser. Each time I ‘move’ I remember how hard Doug worked to keep going in the six years he fought his cancer. He would love that I’m part of easing this tough journey for others and really love that I was on the lake early in the morning. It was something that mattered to us.

And I’m doing it for myself. For the days when crying overtakes me and the days I celebrate friendships. I do it for the days I get back up and brush myself off and start seeing life around me again. Things have changed and I have changed and still there are lovely reminders of people and places and things that matter.

These past few days I’ve been sitting with ‘bitterness’ and watching how it impacts people around me. As Doug would say “I have an inkling” that I have heard some bitterness in my previous posts wanting things and especially people to be different than what they are. So I’ve been giving ‘bitter’ a hard look and I know for sure I don’t want that in my life. Being bitter robs me of whatever love and joy is in front of me right now. As much as I would like things to be different, I am leaning into acceptance and appreciation because I never want to end my life feeling bitter about things and people I have no control over it.

The definition of bitter from the Oxford dictionary is ‘angry, hurt, or resentful because of one’s bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment.’ I’m not saying that I or you won’t ever feel these feelings because that’s part of being human. What I intend for myself and for all those I love and care about is that we let the feelings pass instead of holding them up as our excuse for not being happy. Doug was not bitter. Disappointed, yes. But not bitter. He understood and showed me and many others how to get past those negative feelings to embrace whatever peace there was in life. I’m giving it my best shot.