Daryl Wood's Blog

“Sometimes I think we are all tightrope walkers suspended on a wire two thousand feet in the air, and so long as we never look down we’re okay, but some of us lose momentum and look down for a second and are never quite the same again: we know.” Dorothy Gillman

Over and over again in my life I have been one of those people who look down. Sometimes for a second and sometimes longer. Each time, I catch my breath and a little ‘oh no’ pops into my mind. Oh no because as Dorothy says, now I know. I know that something, someone, somehow the world as I know it is different. And different can be unsettling.

Sometimes what I see is my own reflection and I don’t always like it. Sometimes it is so stark that I can’t bear to accept the reality of my own choices. Sometimes the illusion I live with that things are a certain way is suddenly and unceremoniously broken into pieces and I wonder how I could have not noticed before. Had I been sleepwalking through life and missed the signs of kindness, generosity, humanity and goodness? Had I been so drawn, like a moth to a flame, that I saw fear and anxiety and worry everywhere I looked?

In a casual remark a friend mentions something soothing and beautiful and I am struck at how startled back to the present moment I am moved. Where was I? What was so distracting that I almost missed how warm the sun was, how bright green the moss on rocks, how quiet the lake without any wind and how incredibly kind the dozens of people have been in this past year.

I am grateful. I am filled with gratitude for all the blessings in my life. I do express my appreciation. But looking down I see something more. I see how I have struggled to accept all these expressions of love because they land in a place within me that has fought for love my whole life. And this always makes me feel inadequate to ever thank or repay the compassion, empathy and consideration I have received. The one place I never doubted was with Doug. Without him I am searching for a feeling of love and belonging that is elusive. Then I ‘look down’ and right in front of me, along the country road I love, at the grocery store, in the text messages from distant companions and the calls from family, I am reminded that I am still loved.

In the rush to live a meaningful life, to do the right things, to get ahead, stay afloat, to ‘make it’ we are all at risk of missing something essential to our inner wellbeing. So don’t be afraid to ‘look down’ and see what precious gifts have always been there waiting for you to welcome them home.