Daryl Wood's Blog

It’s not what you might be thinking. Recently I’ve had a number of conversations with smart, capable people about commitments to themselves. We have talked about relationships, jobs, money, health, spirituality and general self-care. We have all acknowledged that in some areas of our lives we are so committed either from decades of habits or from something compelling us. We do so many things automatically because we have programmed ourselves to brush our teeth before going out in public or tracking our spending on a spreadsheet. These are just what we do without any conscious thought.

It’s the ‘other’ things, the promises we make to our own wellbeing, that require more consistent effort and a strong commitment that don’t seem to have the same results. We have all admitted that staying true to some commitments seems harder than it used to. We blame it on outside distractions, our age, too many options, slow results, conflicting messages, etc. Some of us feel such deep disappointment that we have essentially given up, over and over again.

This might sound like a New Years Resolution conversation but it’s not. New Years highlights what isn’t working all year round and is, for so many, a grasping at something to make us change and integrate better choices into our lives. In some ways it is the big awakening that in spite of great starts we never finished and therefore we still haven’t landed where we wanted. I am as guilty as anyone for the stands I take and then stop following through on.

When my beloved Doug was so ill in the last few months of his life I went to extraordinary lengths to provide care and comfort to him. There was no question of what I would sacrifice to love and support him in the worst time of his life. I was committed and compelled and at the end of the 10 week ordeal, I was exhausted. I believe I would have kept going but I know I would have suffered on all levels for the pace and intensity of our situation. But my commitment was immovable.

So now as I am having these conversations with my friends I wonder how I can tap into the driven energy of that time to help myself establish new routines that will serve my wellbeing. Not to the point of exhaustion of course, but if only to find a kernel of unwavering commitment that will see me through the days when meditating or making healthy meals feels like too much work. For months I’ve been trying different ways to calm my anxious mind, satisfy my body’s need for nourishment and movement, find joy and meaning in life again and most importantly, build capacity to handle changes close to home and far away. I start and stop in a dizzying succession of well meaning, well intended paths to a feeling of peace.

My friends and I all agree that we have been successful at commitments in the past and we all agree that for some reason we now seem to be missing the key ingredient to put something in place that will keep us moving into a more confident state of being. None of us are looking for perfection (although some might secretly wish for what is obviously unattainable) and all of us are looking for something ‘out there’ that will be the missing piece of the puzzle. And when we slow down and tell each other the truth, we know this is an inside job, the way to make our commitments stick is within our own minds and hearts. And, as Shakespeare would say, ‘there’s the rub’. We all nod our heads and go off into our lives in search of our inner wisdom and power to commit.

Many spiritual teachers will tell us that peace and happiness come from within. For me, using the tools of Heart Math always helps. Doing a variety of daily meditations, guided or not, helps. This I know is the most important step I can take to find my footing in my new world. And my friends and I are all sighing with a “Yup, I knew that” smile as we give in to the answer we knew all along.