Daryl Wood's Blog

When Doug and I met he was very impressed that I rose at the crack of dawn and walked for an hour almost every morning. That didn’t change and, in fact, became more inspiring for both of us when we moved to Tobermory. Walking the empty, quiet country roads the mornings all year round became my meditation and motivation. This morning I left home at 6:40 a.m. not realizing how chilly it was and that the wind was stronger than my reference said. I couldn’t resist the urge to get out on my bike and move in the early morning hours.

As I road my Ebike (and yes you still pedal and work your body) the 12 km trip to the downtown harbour I talked to Doug and told him how happy I felt this morning. I had a good night’s sleep and have been reading a very intriguing book called The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O’Connor. Along the route the Parks Canada Superintendent pulled up and we had a nice chat about the nature of things. Finally I reached the harbour and stood quietly beside Doug’s memorial bench thinking about how much he meant to so many people. It was a very cold and challenging ride home but now I have my warm lemon drink and I’m ready for the bits and pieces of my day.

This feels like a normal, typical day in someone’s life and actually, in my life. At least the life I knew before Doug’s passing and even further back to before his cancer upended our daily lives. So here I am wondering how I could start with such a normal day when the past few days I’ve been in deep mourning. Even though I have read and studied and worked hard at understanding grief it, still takes me by surprise when I descend into the darkness. Even other grievers don’t always ‘get’ how crushing this is. That’s where this new book is helping me so much. The more I accept that my way of dealing with losing the most important person in my life is unique to me, the less I will worry that I am stuck in a victim mindset.

And when I thought I was, I called on David Emerald in early January to get his take on where I was. David created The Empowerment Dynamic as an antidote to the Drama Triangle where the Victim holds court. Our conversation was so personal and comforting and I was deeply grateful to David. So when I learned that on April 16th, David suddenly and peacefully passed away, I was reminded of all the good he did and how much his lessons have and will always resonate with me.

Which brings me full circle back to this morning. David’s solution to the Victim is to be a Creator and he signed off every message with “To the Creator in you”. While I didn’t consciously think about it this morning, I was taking charge of my life and doing what would move me forward. It felt so good that now I’m going to take myself out for breakfast. Here’s to the Creator in me and you and everyone.