Daryl Wood's Blog

As a Life Coach, Shadow Practitioner, Retreat Facilitator and TED* Practitioner I’ve had plenty of opportunities of spend time with people trying to understand themselves and the people in their lives. Through the years, I was able to do my own learning as I taught and listened and supported others. Facing challenging situations I remarked that under stress, everyone’s bad behaviour just gets worse. It’s sometimes incredibly surprising to see how we revert from our smart, capable, rational thinking when we are in front of something scary. This morning, I am noticing that with myself and it’s uncomfortable and frustrating.

One of my ‘bad behaviours’ is my lack of commitment to self-care. I’m not a complete failure at this but when I woke up very early this morning in a severe night sweat, with my irritated eye and morning grief I unconsciously followed a pattern of avoidance and distraction instead of doing what my body, mind and spirit needed. This went on for a couple of hours before I finally sat down with my journal to hear my innermost feelings. Three lines in, I started the list of what I ‘should’ and ‘could’ have done to ease my discomfort. That’s when I suddenly stopped and heard myself saying ‘under stress, everyone’s bad behaviour just gets worse’. I sighed, ‘including mine’.

What I know for sure is that having a structured ritual of practice keeps me on pace almost regardless of circumstances. I say ‘almost’ because I am human and not immune to the big uprisings in life that can interrupt any best laid plans. As I write, I hear my Doug saying ‘without the slightest equivocation or any mental reservation.’ He used this once in a while in a very playful manner to make a point that he was absolutely firm on something. If I am to apply this now I can see that self-care has always ranked very low on my priority list. I am a lifelong caretaker, rescuer, saver in service of others (especially my beloved Doug) and as hard as I’ve worked at shifting that to being a respectful, empathetic friend and coach, I haven’t directed the same loving compassion to myself.

This is such a well worn topic and I know that while I have no way of knowing who reads this blog unless they contact me, I am certain there are at least a few readers who can relate to keeping self-care at a distance. Until one day when trouble comes knocking and usually in the form of a physical illness. So I am off to the local clinic today and likely the emergency room for a full eye flush. There will be a conversation of what holistic measures I can take to keep myself calm and address my night sweats. I’ll talk to trusted friends and get advice and support.

And in the end, it’s up to me which for the last 22 months has been the hardest part of life. It was always up to me but I had the safety net of a devoted partner to help me get back up if I lapsed. Two years ago Doug and I found out that he had MDS, a form of leukemia on top of his head and neck cancer. This was the beginning of a very painful two months for him and super stress for me. My body remembers. My body needs loving compassion to process and reframe this ‘anniversary’. So today I am willing to slow down and let go. In the face of stress when my bad behaviour flares up, I will hug Doug’s jacket and give myself permission to feel my feelings until they subside. It’s a good start.