Daryl Wood's Blog

Many years ago in San Diego I was awed by Debbie Ford’s ability to simplify concepts of Shadow Work. She made it so real and visceral. And in the course of the training she said (and I am paraphrasing but this is what I heard) “Unforgiveness is the poison you drink every day hoping the other person will die.”

Whoa. If you are reading this blog you have probably learned through various teachings over the years the power of Forgiveness. Soon after the Shadow Process training I attended a Forgiveness weekend workshop in Minneapolis with Mary Hayes Grieco. It reinforced for me the incredible freedom that comes from genuine forgiveness and the rituals we performed released me from what would otherwise have been years of resentment towards people who harmed me.

And sometimes we forget. The past few days I’ve heard myself repeating a story that doesn’t deserve my time and energy. Somehow it seems to fit the narrative of the moment but underneath the chatter is a holding on to what someone did. And every time I talk about it I keep it ‘alive’. And that means I haven’t forgiven this person. And what would learning and growth look like if we were never triggered? What if this is exactly what needed to happen for me to see a blind spot I’ve ignored through unforgiveness? What am I using as my excuse not to be kind and loving to others?

I am still setting boundaries. I am still being vigilant with my interactions. I am still pausing to listen to my inner guidance. And I am also forgiving. If I walked in this person’s shoes, lived their life, faced their fears, felt their pain, maybe I would behave the way they did. If I had never taken the Hoffman Process in May 1997 I might still be holding the underlying resentments towards my parents that I had carried for decades. If I had never had the courage to hear the feedback from kind teachers I might still be thinking I am always right. And if I was not still, every day, opening my heart to a deeper awareness of consciousness and spiritual growth I might still see myself as ‘better than’. Ugh. I want so much to forgive myself for thinking that way in the past and even sometimes now when I am triggered. I grew up hearing ‘there but for the grace of God, go I” and that phrase is as true today as it ever was.

From Colin Tipping’s Radical Forgiveness work and Sacred Contracts with Caroline Myss I came to believe that every interaction is for my highest good so forgiveness is easy. I can choose to be grateful for anything that upsets my apple cart. After all, people are fulfilling their unconscious roles to show up in my life and be that proverbial thorn in my side. And how on this beautiful earth would I ever learn anything new if I was never triggered.

My clients have heard me say that I wish all lessons arrived with flowers, bows and chocolates and some do but lots of lessons arrive muddy, blurry and messy. Love them all. Forgive who and what you can. In the end, you will see how masterfully these bumps created the strong, resilient, faithful and loving person you are today.