Daryl Wood's Blog

This is a hard post to write and the only comfort I feel is that I don’t believe that many people read my blog.

Lately I’ve been complaining that people don’t really want to change things they just wish things were different. Today I said it again … people just want to talk about stuff instead of doing something about it. Actually, I’ve been saying this very publicly for at least six months.

Last weekend I did some powerful Shadow/Light work with my retreat women. They were amazing. Their courage to go to those uncomfortable places and confront themselves was really inspiring. Every time they brought forward a behaviour or attitude that they found annoying, frustrating or otherwise negative in someone else I pointed them to their own lives. There were things like “They don’t communicate well.” Response: So where are you not communicating well in your life? “They are so angry.” Response: So how angry are you? There were so many declarations and they found the truth for themselves each time.

And, as if that wasn’t enough I pointed out that the people who shout the loudest about someone else’s behaviour typically get “caught” doing the very thing they judge. David Letterman making fun of people caught cheating. Hmmm. A priest in Antigonish, Nova Scotia who brokered settlements for sexually abused native children has been found with a computer full of child pornography. Politicians fighting prostitution turn up in bed with them. The list goes on and on.

So, tonight I can barely keep myself from throwing up. All my complaining and posturing about people talking not acting has suddenly landed right in my lap. It’s tough to admit and while it might seem that doing so in private is sufficient, I know better. I’ve made way too many public admonishments about responsibility and accountability to let myself off the hook. And, honestly, I know it’s just a matter of time before I slip up royally and everyone discovers the truth. AND I do not want to attract anymore people who are not willing to make changes. I read my newsletters and blogs too.

It’s time for complete transparency. I’m stuck. I’m resistant. I’m stubborn. I’m not willing to change. I’m complaining. I’m blaming. The big issue looming in front of me is that I have been using food off and on to numb myself for twenty-five years. I know better. I have done better. And right now, I’m back to my self-destructive habit with a bit of a vengeance.

It doesn’t seem like such a big deal when I write it out. Yet, I know for sure that what I’m saying is “Look, I’m just as guilty as the rest of you for complaining and blaming and not doing what it takes to create the life I want. ” It’s time for me to stop preaching and start being a role model. If it’s so important to me to empower people, I can start with myself. I can do the very same exercises I give my clients to do.  I can challenge myself and actually follow through.

I’ve often quoted Caroline Myss who says “We build self-esteem by honouring the commitments we make to ourselves.” I’m here to tell the truth – I don’t always honour the commitments I make to myself. I have work to do.

Tonight I’m not going to list all the things I will do from now on. I might tomorrow but right now what is most important to me is to own the fact that I am so stubbornly engaged in being stuck. I, like so many of you, am refusing the take responsibility for my health and for the promises I make over and over again.

So, there you have it. Once more for the record: I am a stubborn, stuck person who refuses to take responsibility for my poor choices.

Whew. Now you know so now I get to decide what to do next. Stay tuned.