Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | July 30, 2009

A Taste of My Own Medicine

It’s been a long time since I wrote an article called A Taste of My Own Medicine. It was published in The Globe and Mail (Toronto) way back in September 2002. Today, I read it again – because I really needed to.

The irony is that the message has the same impact today as it did then. I simply cannot stand to be so out of integrity that I don’t do for myself what I tell others to do for themselves. In fact, I pushed a client to take half an hour at lunch time to sit quietly, journal, reflect and just breathe. Yes, I have been doing that but definitely not often enough. It seems I have just been doing “the minimum” to keep from drowning when what is really called for is some full out personal care.

Add to my awareness the wonderful conversation I had with a colleague this morning giving him an update on my passion for facilitating women’s retreats. As we compared notes, I was reminded of the importance of being authentic – with ourselves and with others. Since hanging up the phone I’ve been wondering – when will I make time for me? What will I say no to so that I can say yes to soul nurturing.

And it’s not just my emotional and spiritual needs that are being a bit neglected. Physically, I’m craving some good, nutritious meals. Travelling a bit has meant food prepared without the kind of loving attention that my husband and I enjoy at home. Maybe it’s the way he slices tomatoes for a salad or just the fact that he does it that makes it taste so good. In any case, I am very much in need of a healthy meal and strong massage.

So, time to move. Time to get up and make myself a priority. I know it will make a big difference in how the rest of my day unfolds and right now … there are seagulls and waves waiting to be observed. Fine medicine indeed!

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | July 18, 2009

What am I learning

I’m struck again this morning with the powerful awareness of how much I still have to learn about myself. This comes from noticing how consuming my anger is right now and being both a fascinated observer and a trapped victim. There is something going on here and I’m pulled between wanting to lash out and express it and ironically, withdraw and avoid the intensity.

Releasing it by shouting or pounding or some other physical action might prove cathartic AND what I know stops me from doing that is the equally strong sense that a very big nerve has been stepped on. Typically some value has been compromised or challenged. Knowing that, I am cautious about letting go of my feelings until I make the connection. Uncovering what can touch me so sharply will serve me in relationships and in life. Ranting and complaining won’t. It will only give me temporary relief.

Then again, maybe I need to stamp my feet and have a tantrum to get to the root of the anger more quickly. Surely something that comes out of my mouth will be a clue!

I’m feeling lighter now as I survey my reaction and pay attention to my words. My impatience with answers is a reflection of my longing to “get it”. Sometimes I just have to wait and while it may not be healthy for my body, I hold the tension a little longer.

A few hours later … following my impulse to move (my body loves to move when I am wondering) I showered, dressed and began cleaning up my desk. Miraculously (I’m trying not to grin and shake my head) I have come to an understanding within myself. It will all work out. It always has. It always does. I am conscious, present and listening.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | July 17, 2009

Have An Opinion

I have fond memories of a well-known Canadian broadcaster named Gordon Sinclair who once said that he would rather be called opinionated than be known as someone with no opinion at all. I like that. Many times in life we hold back what we are thinking for the sake of being nice or easy to get along with. That doesn’t serve us or anybody else. We don’t have to be rude, judgemental or thoughtless. We can be sensitive, honest and clear. We can have an opinion on just about anything that matters to us and sometimes on things that don’t.

Leaders have opinions. They speak up. They decide. Leaders state their position and either stand by their beliefs with unwavering certainty or toss it into the fray to see what else will come from authentic discussion.

Having an opinion is important to me these days whether it is in sync with what is happening around me or not. I have a voice and a right to voice my opinion. We all do. I don’t always want to “go with the flow”. Sometimes I disagree. I’m not choosing to be difficult, just choosing to be real. And in doing so I give other people permission to be truthful. After all, the world would indeed be a dull place if we all agreed with each other. There would be no room to explore, explain, debate or to learn, to understand, to come to new edges.

And I love edges.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | July 13, 2009

Meditating My Way Home

It was roughly thirty-three years ago that I learned the technique of Transcendental Meditation. Surprisingly, it was my father who “discovered” it and when the opportunity came up, I was drawn to the idea of being calm and clear. It worked when I used it and over the years I found lots of distractions to keep me from deepening my practice.

That changed when my house guest arrived for her annual six-week summer retreat. Talking about her experience in an ashram I suddenly knew that what was missing for me was the beautiful feeling of being connected to the universe that I experienced during meditations. My sporadic habit had robbed me of the enormous benefits I knew were available to me. And yet, I’d had this conversation many times before – with myself, with friends and with clients. What was stopping me from doing what I knew would change my life?

Before I launched into my typical analytical response, I meditated. Sinking into the space was like going home and I knew instantly that I was “back”. I’m recommitted and I’m not asking questions – I’m just doing it. How many times have I said to a client “just do it”. No drama. No discussion. No excuses. Just do the thing you know will empower you.

So it is that I am full out participating in a meditation practice. I imagine it will change my life because it always has and indeed it happened immediately. I look forward to the day I meditate on the shores of Georgian Bay with my retreat women. What might be possible from that collective vibration?

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | July 10, 2009

Whose Map Are You Following?

Map

This afternoon as I explained to my coach what I was feeling I said “It’s as though I dropped my map and picked up someone else’s and that’s what I’ve been following.” I paused. Yes, that’s exactly what it felt like. Of course I have been slowing down, retrieving my map and rerouting myself. AND I have spent a lot of time reading other people’s maps and following their journeys.

It’s not a bad thing. In fact, I’ve learned SO much from their quests and their purposes and their focus. I’m awed by the work that others are doing with family relationships, with young people, with education, with sustainability, with diversity, with business and so much more. The coaches and leaders I connect with AND the people in my very own community who are plotting the regeneration of our village – all these amazing people are moving with determination and following the maps they have created for their lives. I’m deeply inspired.

And … I am very aware that my enthusiasm for other people’s maps keeps pulling me away from my own. Maybe when my path gets a bit rocky or monotonous or difficult I switch to someone else’s. Maybe I am too easily distracted because I can so plainly see the value in what others are doing. In any event, it was so clear to me today that I do want to follow my own path. That path manifested twelve years ago when I knew that retreats were the kind of opportunity I wanted others to experience.

I knew then with as much certainty as I do now that giving people the space to slow down, reconnect with themselves and their inner wisdom was what they needed to recharge their lives. I also knew that serving in this way felt fulfilling to me and of course I learned right alongside of the curious women who ventured into themselves. Remembering my first few retreats I wonder what I thought I knew that others could learn from. I have grown so much personally and professionally since then. And … there was value as evidenced by the continued contact I have with some of my original participants.

Now, as recent as these past couple of months I have dug further into the essence of what I can offer and discovered something truly magical. The land where I live is sacred ground and those who come and stand at the water’s edge are transformed. That is enough. It’s not all I can give them, and it is a critical piece that I have not fully utilized .. until now.

So, I’m diverting my eyes from the maps of my friends and colleagues to once again give my full attention to my own map. I am a really good retreat facilitator and, combined with my spiritual mentoring and life coaching skills, I do life-changing work. Today I feel so relieved to have picked up my map again. This is indeed the right path for me.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 29, 2009

Restless Hearts

Today as I went about my daily activities I felt that pull again that always distracts me from whatever I’m doing. Sometimes I ignore it. Sometimes I acknowledge it and move on. Sometimes I sit down and let it wash over me.

I thought today about how this feeling is what often brings women up the Bruce Peninsula to my retreats. They have restless hearts. It’s not that they are really unhappy with their lives although for some it may be true. It is more that they want to explore the niggling, unsettled sensation that makes it hard to get comfortable in any position.

What I know for sure is that ignoring a restless heart has not been healthy for me. It causes all kinds of unnecessary ailments physically, emotionally and otherwise. I know. When I am in that space of unease a lot of odd aches and pains show up and it’s hard to concentrate. And that is precisely why women will retreat: to listen to their hearts. This has been great learning for me … again … as I plan for my fall Women’s Wisdom Retreats.

As usual, I also take the lesson into my own life as I pay attention to my own restless heart. Restless for impact. Restless for change. Restless for a “get over it, get on with it” mind set. And … restless to finish writing my book.

Stay tuned.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 21, 2009

Father’s Day

Sometimes I miss my dad. Today is one of those days. He never saw my home on the lake. He never got to know my husband Doug. He wasn’t at my son’s wedding in March and countless other memorable moments.

Dad passed away in 2001 after, as they say “a courageous battle with cancer”. He wrote about it and he marched on with his life in spite of it. He was a role model for me in so many ways.

My father was a leader and was once heralded as a man before his time in the field of human resources. He could be painfully insensitive to my needs as his daughter while in contrast, deliberate in his stand for justice for the people he worked with. I see some of that in me.

He was also creative and innovative and bold. I’m like that. One big difference was that Dad didn’t dwell on his mistakes very long. He lived by the motto “Let’s find one good reason why it will work” and I clearly remember his dismissal of any objections to what he believed was a good idea.

So, I’m celebrating Father’s Day because in my world this day has been designated as a day to remember. I celebrate my father on his birthday too and while backyard barbeques are in full swing for the dads still present, I am honouring the leadership my father showed me.

Because of him I am tenacious and visionary. Because of him I care deeply what happens to people and my sense of justice is keen. I’m proud of what I’ve inherited and while I can just as easily point out what I missed or didn’t get, I wouldn’t trade what I embody from watching my father carve out an intentional life.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 11, 2009

Purposeful Work

I am flooded with relief today as I mark my calendar with the dates for my fall retreats. This is the work I was meant to do. This is the work I love. This is the work I long for in the months between retreats.

My heart is full of the memories of the transformed women who rose to their full height and drove off into rainbows and sunsets. They saw themselves in new ways with new possibilities and most of all hope. And lucky me, I got to witness and walk with them.

Now, as I plan for September and October retreats I am bringing new pieces into the framework of our time together. My guests will experience this beautiful place even more than ever before. They will sit and walk this sacred land along rugged shorelines that draw out of them their deepest most intimate selves. They will stand on the edge of their own potential and be inspired to risk being real and bold and powerful.

And, if these retreats are anything like the many I’ve hosted over the past ten years, we will eat well, laugh a lot and make heartfelt connections with each other. I am SO excited. If this intrigues you, maybe you will be one of the women who ventures north to Tobermory for an unforgettable weekend.

Here’s more: Women’s Wisdom Retreat

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 7, 2009

The Unpopularity Contest

I clearly remember my school days when my attention was drawn to who was popular and who wasn’t. I was in the latter group and made it my mission to befriend everyone else who was “left out”. It’s not that I didn’t have friends, it’s just that I didn’t find myself in the “popular” group and often felt very lonely.

Not much has changed. I have this penchant for speaking up and speaking out and challenging others. Ultimately it comes from wanting to challenge myself and my habitually disempowering attitudes or behaviours. I’m no master at conquering ALL of my self-sabotaging ways and yet I keep pressing myself, wanting more, expecting more. It might be that this is what has me going against the grain and rubbing people the wrong way. And it might be that I haven’t figured out the best way to deliver my message or respond to others.

In any case, I found myself again this past week in situations where I suspected that my words or actions who make me unpopular. Since I really value being liked, it’s a tough call sometimes. I have to determine if the risk is worth it and typically I do. For a while I might dig in my heels and keep my mouth shut but eventually, I go the way of my heart. I embrace my inner leadership and do “what’s right and necessary”.

What matters to me is that I can live with myself whether or not that makes me popular. As I broaden my efforts at community regeneration I am starting to sense that I may be losing some of my popularity in my small town. At the same time, I notice I’m gaining popularity in other circles. Maybe it’s been that way all of my life and I just didn’t realize it.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | May 29, 2009

Hidden Leadership

Distracted by the powerful high-profile leaders in our world we often forget about the small acts of leadership that take place right in our own backyards. The person who demonstrates compassion or honesty in the face of opposition. The person who speaks up when everyone else is afraid to take a stand. The person who refuses to do what everyone else does or what has always been done because somehow it feels wrong – morally, ethically or otherwise.

And … I believe … the person who isn’t intimidated when they are personally attacked. Leadership is showing up all over the place and most of us don’t recognize it. It starts with personal integrity, having a commitment to honouring ourselves and then it seeps out into the rest of our lives.

I’ve sidestepped leadership many times in my life. I made something else more important or made myself wrong for thinking differently. Even though there are still times I don’t take a leadership position when I could, I am so much better at this than I have been.

It is this passion for living leadership that has me thinking of planning a leadership series for the fall when my neighbourhood quiets down. I wonder who will come.

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