Daryl Wood's Blog

The Oxford dictionary defines ‘entitled’ as “believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.” There is lots of conversation these days about people acting entitled. Even on our quiet little back road in Tobermory there is an animated discussion about the people who have helped themselves to our collection of painted rocks. Even if they are tucked into our mailbox stand it seems that some people think they can pick them up and take them home. A lot of us are incensed that while there are areas that throughout the pandemic encouraged people to gather painted rocks, we made an effort to provide enjoyment and laughter for everyone. But some people have felt ‘entitled’ to take multiple rocks to the point that we now have very few and the summer is just beginning. The ‘main’ artist is no longer willing to create interesting pieces knowing that they’ll be scooped up by people who feel ‘entitled’. (There could be a whole new blog on how we made assumptions about how people would view this gesture of community.)

I got to thinking about how I feel entitled because, of course, when I teach Shadow Work I can’t get far from my inquiry of ‘how am I like that in my life’. In Shadow Work there is a ‘light’ side and a ‘dark’ side to everything. I’ve worked this through with women at many retreats with the intention of helping us all be more compassionate towards ourselves and others. It’s good/okay to feel entitled … except when it’s not … and sometimes it’s not.

The dark side of entitlement is when we believe we have special privileges that others don’t or that we feel deserving of things that are not ours to own. An example I recently noticed was someone who parked in front of a building entrance blocking access for people because they were ‘in a hurry’ and didn’t want to wait for a parking spot closer to the building. This inconvenienced many people but when confronted by someone, they shrugged it off.

So, I do feel entitled and I’m willing to own that from the ‘light’ side of entitlement. I feel entitled to respect, consideration, compassion, empathy, love, support, kindness, understanding, joy, safety, security, fairness and probably lots of other things. And while I do feel entitled to all of these things, I also feel that everyone on this planet is entitled to the same thing. Of course, this is rooted in my belief that no matter how someone shows up in our world, including those whose acts of entitlement harm others, they are still entitled to the basic human needs that we all deserve.

How we treat each other is often a reflection of how we treat ourselves. Living in the shadow of the dark side of entitlement doesn’t build connection. Seeing each other, all others, as deserving of kindness and civility brings us together.