Daryl Wood's Blog

For the first time, I am sharing remarks from a friend who articulates this journey so well. Thank you Felice for inspiring us all with your words.

“Dear Daryl,

I read your blog earlier today..  

It’s been a day of downtime for me, so it was helpful to reminded about journaling. I switched out of the game playing mode and I journalled and reached out to a friend who is also a widow.

It can be challenging to know when to press forward and when to lean into feelings. 

I so appreciate your depth, reflectiveness and self-awareness. 

All I know is that each of us experiences grief in our way and in our time. Sometimes the words seem elusive, but I suspect that they come at the right time, when I’m ready for them.

My biggest issues today were centered around acknowledging that I need only to decide to accept my choices or change them. The choices themselves are not inherently wrong. It’s challenging enough to make choices, first small, then progressively larger, with self-criticism quietly pulling strings in the background.  

I have only to let go of the expectation that I will somehow get it right or that I will really mess up. Taking inventory of how much I’ve been able to do in life this far is a helpful perspective when the inner critic sneaks in.

I realized that I don’t really feel ‘tethered’ to a clear purpose, a relationship, a career, the list goes on. As I wrote to my friend earlier today, no one replaces that for us. It’s a reality that may be challenging to grapple with in widowhood. However, I also realize the people who have passed would want for me to allow myself happiness. That can be enough purpose. To be in a good place and exploring and growing. 

So today, the call for me is to be accepting, if not really comfortable with making major life choices completely of my own volition, and making a big choice at that. Fortunately, doing so one step at a time, with assistance and not being beholden or forced to absolutely decide right this moment eases the stress.

It helps me to give the trepidations words. So, thank you for sharing about journaling.  See what goodness you bring!

Rereading your blog entry, this is kind of like the safety net that you mentioned. We all are rebuilding and remaking ourselves in our new reality. Sometimes, stepping forward requires accepting exactly where we are at.  I think you are doing that. Grief brings that to us sometimes.  I don’t think that is lost or wasted time. It is a form of self care that’s not widely acknowledged: Tending to our inner selves. Permission to feel. Then the feelings do change, and we can step in some more. Like a dance.”