In the early months of my grieving something magical happened. My local librarian had often recommended books for me and one day upon arrival, she handed me a book that had just been returned and was destined to travel back to another library. She was able to hold it for me to read over the next two weeks. As soon as I read the first few pages I went online and ordered the book. I wasn’t going to truly be with the essence of the book in a short two week period. And so it was that I began my partnership with Frank Ostaseski and The Five Invitations. The book’s subtitle “Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully” wasn’t that compelling as I had read lots of books that I thought gave a similar message. I had no idea how influential this book would become and the number of little sticky tabs tells the story of how it impacted my life.
I read the book and reviewed it and talked about it and eventually made a decision: I wanted to go deeper. So I put some loose leaf pages in a binder and began unpacking the passages I had highlighted. I would write them out and then reflect in my own words how I felt and what I could learn from these words. It was so helpful and healing. Looking back it is clear that I gained so much from the book and my interpretations. And like so many things in the past two plus years I followed this pattern for a while and then drifted onto to something else. This week I began the huge task of organizing my bookshelves. Along with the white binders that carried my father’s life stories was the little binder with my reflection pages. What a find!
And there it was – words in the introduction by Rachel Naomi Remen: “We are always on holy ground.” And “How often we go spiritually hungry in the midst of plenty and how many, many teachers surround us, patiently offering all that we need in order to live wisely and well.” And “The purpose of every life is to grow in wisdom and learn to love better.” Whew.
Reading that gave me pause. Imagine living life with this foundation, this understanding, this belief. It felt like coming home and I read the words and my own thoughts out loud sitting on my dock in the late afternoon sunshine. I read them and heard them and held them. I felt them live and breathe into my body and soul. The opened a door and I walked right in.
I kept reading and over and over again the passages spoke to me in ways I had been longing for. Suddenly I felt the resonance I’d been missing in my busy, distracted days of surviving grief while I showed up for the wonderful people and places in my life. Suddenly and with masterful ease, I sank back into the awareness that I hadn’t lost anything. It was waiting for me to come back to this place of sanctuary.
Stay tuned. This is a journey I want so much to share with others, especially those who have read the book or may decide to do so. This is feeding my soul in the way I want and need right now. Namaste.
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