Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 28, 2010

Change: The Denial We Hide Behind

For the umpteenth time I heard someone say “I can’t change. I’ve tried and I just don’t have what it takes.” I gave them a limp smile and thought “B*@#&%~T”. I’m thinking that when all else fails, we just default to denial. It takes the pressure off; leaves us free to keep avoiding; feels safe. And in the end, we can wave our victim flag and let the world know that it’s “not our fault”. How exhausting. How boring!

Changing is NOT the problem. Our attitude about change IS. Every excuse for change is just a finely crafted exit strategy. It might well be that change, at this moment, doesn’t fit. Fine. Own it for what it is and stop whining about it. If the changes you want are gnawing at your insides then it’s time to stop lying to yourself and hiding behind denial. Do I sound a little preachy today? Am I being loud and harsh? I hope so. I’m tired of the denial that I hide behind in my own life. Tired of watching the people around me hide behind their denial.

Yes, it can take courage to change. Yes, it can take willpower. Yes, it can take much longer than most of us would like. So what? Living with a slow, steady thumping in the depth of our souls, back of our minds, shallows of our hearts is far more detrimental to our emotional, physical and spiritual health than the effort it takes to shift gears. Time moves on whether or not we do.

I tell people all the time (probably more often than they care to hear) that if you want something in your life to be different, first SEE it differently. Change your perspective and you change the challenge/problem. Change scares people. I offer retreats that boast “Change Happens Here”. People get scared. They would rather blame and complain than actually show up in their life.

Okay, I am definitely off the radar on my passion thermometer. Do I mean every word? You betcha. Will I take this message into my own life and use it? You betcha. Do I want to hold myself accountable AND hold others accountable? You betcha.

Come out from the shadows and change what you’ve been hiding from.

Women’s Wisdom Retreat

Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 25, 2010

Recovering

This is one of those times when recovering really matters to me. As I come out the other side of an incredibly powerful Leadership Retreat I am quietly observing how I recover to my “other” life. The joy, exhilaration and absolute engagement that happens when my Wild Boar Tribe unites is enough to keep me unhinged for weeks. I am “lost” in the sheer awe of what we create together to deepen our learning and ignite our visions.

At least until it’s time for another load of laundry!

What I know for certain is that I don’t want the momentum to disappear in the wake of a long “to do” list. AND I especially don’t want to escape into possibilities while what is in front of me waits impatiently. So the trick is to recover. To recover with confidence, certainty, expectation, energy. To recover with intention; with balance. To join the doing and being so that one is not forgotten or avoided.

For those who only days ago sat at the water’s edge with me, smelling the fresh air, hearing the gulls cry, warmed by the morning sun … I am reminded of a favourite quote by Marianne Williamson. “Now is the time to show up fully for life, whatever the circumstances.” Indeed, now is the time to recover … to self, to life as it shows up now, to life imagined.

Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 14, 2010

Hiding From Your Shadow

Feeling tired? Fatigued? Stressed? Just plain worn down? Have you considered that maybe … just maybe … you have exhausted yourself trying to hide from your shadow? Could be.

What I’ve observed, and learned first-hand, is that the effort it takes to suppress or avoid our shadow can take it’s toll on us physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Our innate fear of seeing our dark side keeps us sleeping with one eye open, hoping we won’t be ambushed. For anyone who has a tendency to beat themselves up on a regular basis the very idea of facing our shadow ignites terror. What if we go “in” and can’t get out? What if we see traits, attitudes, behaviours that we consider despicable and get completely lost in the story of how ugly we really are? What if indeed?

The biggest assumption I hear is that the shadow is all “bad”. The truth is that there is good and bad in every quality and since we have them all (yes, you read that right), the sooner we accept all that we are, the sooner we can relax with ourselves. That means owning our good, the not so good and the downright stinky stuff. AND the brilliant, the talented, the honourable which surprising as it might be, is just as nerve wracking for many people.

The Shadow offers us a powerful entry into living a “whole” life. Never has the saying “you can run but you can’t hide” been more accurate. Embracing our shadow side is a powerful way towards accepting ourselves AND others. Carl Jung, the great pioneering psychologist said “If people can be educated to see the lowly side of their own natures, it may be hoped that they will also learn to understand and to love their fellow men better. A little less hypocrisy and a little more tolerance towards oneself can only have good results in respect for our neighbor; for we are all too prone to transfer to our fellows the injustice and violence we inflict upon our own natures.”

Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 10, 2010

The Power Of Staying

There has probably never been a better time in history for those who want to numb themselves from any discomfort. We have tools on so many levels; so many ways to distract or avoid feeling what unsettles us. And we are told that we “shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable.” AND it is my perspective that many of us don’t even realize that what we are doing is avoiding. At least we don’t acknowledge this on a conscious level.

It’s been said that behaviours often start for one reason and then continue out of habit or without thought. For example, someone may experience something very traumatic like the death of a loved one and begin using medication to sleep. Years, even decades later, they are still taking a substance when what might need to happen is to address the pain, deal with the feelings. Overeating is one of the easiest ways of numbing ourselves from what we don’t want to feel. Unconscious eating creates a vicious cycle of self-abuse that is remarkably sensitive to the power of staying. You can’t do both.

What is really intriguing is that for so many people I’m guessing that what they are pushing back from is nowhere near as painful as they imagine. We can indeed handle much more than we sometimes give ourselves credit for. It can be so liberating to discover that what we have been terrified of feeling actually loses it’s intensity when we slow down and let it be. AND what I’ve noticed is that the inherent guilt and shame that follows a withdrawal response is more damaging than the original pain.

While it would seem logical that people would want to eliminate their obsessive or numbing actions, when confronted with the reality of what it takes, some folks back down. In that moment when you find yourself … switching to a computer card game, scouring facebook for updates, mindlessly eating from a candy dish, reaching for an alcoholic drink or getting lost in the fantasy of winning the lottery … it’s time to stop. Often, we have been so conditioned (by ourselves) in our response that we are “in it” before we know it. When we challenge that by stopping ourselves – checking in on what we are feeling and staying with it – it can feel “rough”, except when it doesn’t and we are amazed at how easy it is to shift.

Staying with what is keeps us in the present moment, keeps us here – now; keeps us awake, conscious. There is freedom, joy and peace in letting ourselves feel what we are feeling – all the way through.

Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 5, 2010

Teachings of the Seven Grandfathers

Wisdom, Love, Respect, Bravery, Honesty, Humility and Truth

The Anishinaabe lived on the land where I now live. I’ve been curious and asked questions. The Teachings of the Seven Grandfathers dip into every corner of our lives and offer the opportunity to explore how we “be” in the world. Each day as I meditate – sometimes for a few moments and sometimes much longer – in the presence of my Seven Grandfathers carving, I feel the power of the teachings.

I am reminded that learning comes as much from sitting still and listening as it does from active study. In this place of sacred land and healing nature I wonder how people without a sanctuary survive. Perhaps they first need to find the internal retreat before they can create it in their world.

I’m at a loss for how to communicate the power of coming to this quiet setting to reflect and reconnect. I know that everyone who visits or joins one of my retreats is deeply moved by the experience. What I trust, is that those who are seeking will find their way here. And when they do, life becomes more real, more conscious, more alive, more fulfilling, more reverent. They live better, work better, love better, lead better.

And that … is why I keep doing what I do.

September 16 – 19, 2010 Women’s Wisdom Retreat

Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 3, 2010

Doing Less, Being More

It’s taken me a long time to realize that the harder I work at trying to figure things out, the more exhausted I get and the less likely I am to get the results I want. Quite simply, I need to let go, surrender. My brain isn’t used to that and it feels somewhat contradictory to someone who loves solving puzzles of the mind.

So today I reconfigured the “meditation” nook in the cluster of trees near the water’s edge. It’s been waiting for some attention and I’ve been stuck in my head planning and deciding. Today I just did something and it has turned out better than I could have guessed. I put quotes around the word meditation because while it does suit that purpose it could also be called a nook for contemplation, reflection, reading, journalling or just being. Indeed, being is much more appealing to me as the days and weeks of my life march on. My understanding of the need to live in harmony within myself is a lot sharper than it has been. Middle age does that for you.

So as I plan my fall retreats I am committed to ensuring the space and opportunity for my guests to do less and be more. As they cross the threshold into my sanctuary of healing they give themselves the gift of knowing themselves on a deeper level. It is a brief pause in the busyness of life as most of us know it. And … today, I’m taking that for myself.

Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | May 13, 2010

Almost Seduced

I came close yesterday … again … to being seduced into buying something to help “fix me”. Because I live with a belief that somehow I need fixing I am always on high alert for things that will work for my particular “issues”. So it was that yesterday afternoon, between appointments I switched on the tv and saw a very serious look on Oprah’s face. As I listened and watched, I was mesmerized along with the teary eyed audience nodding their heads in agreement. At the second commercial break I ran to my computer, logged into Chapters Online and ordered the hardcover book AND the audiobook. I wanted to be sure they didn’t sell out before I got them. Relieved that I’d purchased the key to happiness, I finished work and made a point of watching the full program later that evening. That’s when a sense of uncertainty kicked in. That’s when I realized I was letting myself be seduced … again.

The book and audio series will surely have a long lasting, positive impact on those who read it and Lord knows there are millions of people who need to read it. The focus is on why we overeat/abuse food and what we can do about it. Not a new topic by a long shot and in the moment it did seem like the author might have a new perspective that would be THE answer for millions of dieting, frustrated overweight people. And I’m guessing it IS the answer they have been looking for. For me? It’s a different story.

What struck me as I gave myself time to absorb the message was that I had learned this truth many, many years ago. The fact that I don’t always apply the wisdom is another issue. What I realized in that moment was that purchasing the book was not the answer. Following my inner guidance and doing what I knew would serve me, was.

So here I was tempted … again … to be seduced by the intensity of the discussion and the longing for change within me. Spending $50 on material that confirmed what I already know, doesn’t feel right. Spending money to download techniques for responding might be worth it.Then again, with my extensive collection of books I’m pretty sure the answer is on my shelf.

And now that I know better, I’m ready to do better.

Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | May 6, 2010

Changing my Relationship With Loss

I know I’m still grieving – to some extent – the loss of my mother last September. And, grieving the loss of my Grama in March. And maybe even the loss of my father and father-in-law in recent years. Yet today, listening to my friend’s empty sadness since her mother’s passing, I realize that I need to change how I relate to grief – in myself and others.

I’m of an age where there are a lot of people around me in the second half of their lives. For some there is a relaunching, rejuvenation and exciting perspective. For others, the decline is obvious, steady and probable. Inevitably, if we live long enough, we will say a lot of goodbyes. Since I have a secret wish to live a long healthy life, how I handle grief makes a difference.

Today I’m noticing how difficult it is for me to recover and that worries me. I need a strategy. I don’t want to become immobilized over and over again. I want to bless the state of grace that moves through us as we transition out of our lives. I typically don’t have trouble acknowledging that the sadness I feel is for those of us left behind. We are the ones who now have vacant spaces.

For sure, some of my discomfort comes from a sense that time is running out. It feels like so much wants to be done and is indeed calling to be done. Over and over again I am seeing the end of the road and I’m just not ready. I suspect my discontent is based on my reluctance to step fully into the projects and ideas that are continually showing up. Perhaps this is the strategy I will use to make the memories of my lost loves mean something. And, when all is said and done, making my own life mean something. Perhaps.

Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | May 6, 2010

Unfinished Business

Again today I was reminded that I have some unfinished business in my life. There is a woman somewhere who shares my DNA. She is my half-sister and I have very few clues to help me find her. Periodically I go looking; making phone calls; searching on line; asking questions; re-reading my father’s notes … notes from the father we share.

There is so little to go on and, if I am willing to invest thousands of dollars, there are people who think they can track her down.

I haven’t seen Ann in nearly 50 years. I’m curious. How are we alike? What kind of life has she lived? Has she ever thought of us as I’ve thought of her? What kept her away? What does she remember?

Since my mother and grandmother passed in the last several months I’ve found myself wanting to connect and reconnect with the women in my family. In particular, the ones who have gone before me and shaped the path I now walk. Ann is one of them. She has lived in my heart and mind for almost five decades. I have this small photograph, some grainy images on an old home movie and just recently a picture of her parents – my father in his military uniform and a smartly dressed young woman.

What I don’t have is my sister. And since I am in the process of clearing up unfinished business, I start looking … again.

Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | April 29, 2010

Within My Means

Today I stumbled on this quote: “There is no dignity quite so impressive, and no one independence quite so important, as living within your means.” by Calvin Coolidge. It struck me as being so very sensible and yet so seemingly distance from how most people I know operate … including myself.

While I don’t want to be in poverty consciousness, always fearing the end of my financial resources I also don’t want to live in an excess state of mind. There must be somewhere in between that is as sensible as this quote. Maybe it is sufficiency … a word that comes up often amongst my Wild Boar Leadership Tribe. Webster’s (my favourite dictionary) describes sufficient as “to meet one’s needs”. The word need might be the key here since I’ve come to realize that even when we think our needs are met there is an enormous tidal wave of marketing that would suggest otherwise. Annie Leonard’s lovely little film “The Story of Stuff” got me thinking a few years ago. Since then, I am frequently uncomfortable with my spending habits – which by most standards are pretty minimal. At least until last week.

I found myself deciding I needed a new blender. I rarely use the one I have because it’s attached to a large, heavy unit that does a lot of things I’ve never done (grinding meat, mixing dough etc.) Knowing a friend had asked if I had a blender for his visit I thought I better upgrade. Of course there were literally dozens of options. After much comparison I settled on a sleek model for about $80.00. Driving home I couldn’t help but wonder why I’d bought it. I certainly didn’t need to spend that much on something I use once or twice a year. I might … repeat, might … use it more if it was more convenient. But to spend $80.00 on something I didn’t really need left me feeling defeated.

As soon as I got home I taped the bill to the box and will return it on my next trip to the city. I simply don’t need it. I can offer up the one I have or borrow one for the four days my friend is visiting. I don’t need something else to store, maintain, clean, move around and generally take up space. And the money? I’ll save it for something I really need and not something I think I should have.

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