Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | February 25, 2010

Fibre and Meditation

Just in case anyone thinks I am spending way too much time in deep thought I decided to share today’s big awakening: Fibre and Meditation are my two new best friends. What I’ve noticed is that without either of these I’m just not my best self. I sometimes fool myself and leave one of them out of my daily practice and truthfully I can get through 24 hours. On some very rare occasions, depending on circumstances I can make 48. But that’s my limit.

It’s interesting that one of these meets physical needs and the other spiritual/emotional/psychological needs. Yet, not having one affects all my “systems”.

Without the fibre my mind is sluggish; I’m more anxious; and unable to relax or slow myself down to get grounded.

Without meditation I get the very same results. Go figure.

Knowing what my basic, fundamental needs are makes it much easier to design my day. Of course there are lots of other elements that support what I do and how I do it. I’m just a whole lot more aware of what it takes to keep me performing at my optimum. AND I’m too passionate about life and all there is to experience to resist what keeps me on target.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | February 24, 2010

Where Am I?

Have you ever woke up in the night or out of an afternoon nap and wondered where you are? It can happen when you have been in a very deep sleep or riding a wild dream. And it can happen, as I’m realizing, when you are wide awake.

Before me lies the most magnificent buffet of opportunities. Everywhere I look I am seeing rich relationships, powerful learning and cool experiences. Who wouldn’t want to taste it all? Who wouldn’t dive in and worry about the consequences later? Well, lots of people I’m thinking. I’m just not one of them.

The difficulty for me is that at some point all these wonderful choices can easily morph into a big soup of distraction. Ultimately I don’t get done the things I really want to do or the things that really matter to me or, and this one feels icky, the things that I have committed to doing.

We all know what happens when you take your eye off the ball. You miss your mark. Today, on the crest of another strong wave of excitement I saw how clearly I am headed for disappointment. Engaged with two amazing women in conversation on two unrelated topics got my adrenaline pumping. For a moment, I saw what was possible and I jumped on board. Then I found myself sitting still waiting for an appointment and as I caught my breath I ran smack into reality.

I had no idea where I was or where I was going. Something had to give. I made what felt like a painful decision to say no to both projects. In the end it feels good to step back and give myself the time and space to handle the other things I am involved with. They matter. And with Olympian focus I’m doing what matters and settling where I am.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | February 21, 2010

Lifelong Learning

In times of change, the learners inherit the world, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.
– Eric Hoffer

This quote landed well with me as I observed a very animated conversation between three people. One had a point of view and strongly defended it. The others were absolutely certain that the first person was wrong. Both sides fought vehemently to defend their position and in doing so it was so obvious to me, standing on the outside, that neither was capable of learning anything new. Does that matter? To some of us it does.

For most of my life nothing felt harder than to admit I was wrong. In the fierce competition of my childhood the need to be right, to be the smartest or the best had overridden the sensibility of gathering new perspectives. Being a passionate learner it was a back and forth game of wanting to know more and longing to be recognized as an authority or expert. When I broke through this barrier in my forties a whole new world opened up.

That’s not to say that I still don’t get self-righteous and force my point at times. What it means is that I practice the art of sincere curiousity far more than I ever did. Why? Because I never know when the person I’m engaged with might know something more than me. And, no matter how much we know, there is always, always more we can learn. In the opening anecdote the possibility of learning something was lost as the individuals became more determined to prove themselves right. The more they disagreed the more they shut down. One left feeling angry, frustrated and humiliated. They others felt proud, smug and victorious.

The truth is that they were all right. Listening in, I knew that they both had valid arguments. What I saw was that because they were so adamantly fighting to win there was no room to learn from each other and they stayed trapped in their own version of reality. This casual exchange is a reflection of each person’s unwillingness to learn. Whatever personal issues got in the way, it is this stubbornness that keeps some world issues from being resolved.

Open your mind and see what incredible things you can do.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | February 8, 2010

When Passion Meets Want

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”—Frederick Buechner

Oh how this resonates with me today. I’ve heard myself say over and over lately how busy I am. What I am certain of is that the busyness is made up of fulfilling and meaningful activities and interactions. I’ve been called to unexpected places with unexpected responsibilities under unexpected circumstances. And I love it.

Every day I find myself connecting with people and sharing the experience of life and living. I’m continually surprised at the synchronicities and the generosity of spirit that comes forth given the chance. And that’s really all any of us want – the chance to show up as our authentic selves.

So what is the hunger that my gladness is feeding? Connection. Deepak Chopra says that the world is not hungry for more “things” but rather for relationship. I agree. I see it everywhere I go. There may be the momentary distraction of stuff or human desire but it disappears when someone stops to listen. To be heard; to be seen; to be valued is what helps us know we exist for some purpose. It stirs that place in all of us that is wanting to know that we matter.

So I wonder what intersection lies ahead for you as your passion pulls you into the path of a great hunger in your world.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | February 1, 2010

Mountains made of Sand

“It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out – it’s the grain of sand in your shoe.” Robert Service

This tells me it’s not the goal I am pursuing that is overwhelming for me – indeed, that’s what I focus on and keep reaching for. What slows me down and depletes me is the daily, over and over again, little things that I keep tripping over or bumping up against.

When we have unfinished business, we have a grain of sand in our shoe. We may not notice it all the time and we might not even realize how something is either holding us back or getting in our way. Eventually, something happens to make us realize that there is a nagging, annoying and frustrating “something” that keeps us stuck. Lately, that “something” seems to be my office. Try as I might, I keep adding more papers.

As I wrote the above paragraphs I had stopped to look around my office. I was moved. I got up, picked up one pile that had been set aside for filing … and I did it. Then I went to another spot and put away that pile. Before long I had cleared some open space on my credenza. I felt good, refreshed and more open to what was ahead of me.

Amazing how even pulling thoughts together can create the momentum to take action. And basically, that’s all there is to it. So what it is that makes us procrastinate on the little things that can feel so irritatingly absurd? That’s a question we each need to ask ourselves. For some of us, we don’t see the value in the work waiting to be done or we are overwhelmed with how much we have to do. The bottom line is that when we make up a story we get attached to it and we end up with grains of sand that feel like mountains!

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | January 28, 2010

Recovering To Your Leader Self

What does it take for you to recover when you get triggered? And how long?

I’m asking myself this question because it came up in a Leadership call this week. I got triggered and it took someone else to point it out before I could decide what to do. Talking with my coach I mused about how helpless I felt until I realized what was happening. Until it hit me, I couldn’t put two thoughts together. Instead I was flooded with emotion and at a time when I expected I would sound articulate.

It’s easier to talk about what I can do – acknowledge and be present – than to come up with a solution to how to recognize when I’m triggered. AND the fact is that the answer is so obvious. Emotion. When I feel myself slip into what I call “big” emotion that’s a signal that something has been unleashed.

For example, every time I walk down the road and smell a wood burning stove I’m triggered to feel warm and comfy. The sound of children singing “Oh Canada” can trigger tears of pride. The blessing my Grama gives at the end of every phone call and the way she says she’s proud of me triggers happiness and appreciation. So it is that I also feel triggered when someone questions my judgement, criticizes my opinion or simply comments in a way that reminds me in some way of a painful experience from my past.

I am here to state emphatically that I am not interested in keeping alive any old wounds. What I know for sure is that I don’t always see how they creep up and when I’m standing in front of a room in a lead or co-lead position, my need to recover quickly is essential.

So, in writing this message today I am getting a clear understanding that I need to be vigilant in my commitment to recovery. I need to pay attention to the “big’ emotion when it hits and stop myself from reacting. I may not be able to control what happens around me but I most certainly can control how I respond.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | January 25, 2010

It’s All Connected

In the grand scheme of life it wasn’t that long ago that I thought I could focus completely on my “work” and leave my personal troubles behind. Owning a growing company gave me plenty of opportunity to spend lots of hours away from home doing lots of work because I was building a company. It made sense and it made me feel satisfied. I was getting lots done and I really liked organizing and managing the business. In fact, I really liked working “in” the business as much as I liked all the other aspects of it.

It wasn’t unusual for the staff to find me on the top of a ladder filling up the hopper with Styrofoam packing peanuts early in the morning. And I had reasons to stay late and work weekends too. All the administration stuff and the need to satisfy my “move things around” genes. It was an exciting time and I was certain I was on the right track. I could justify every minute I invested in my business and more often then not, I believed that if I didn’t do “it”, who would?

Then one day a strange thing happened. I landed in the local hospital with severe abdominal pain. The only relief was a well placed shot of the powerful drug Demerol. That’s what saved me for the next week as I completely zoned out in a hospital bed not caring about anything other than comfort and sleep. After two weeks of bedrest and examinations it was determined that there was in fact nothing physical wrong with me. Huh?

The diagnosis was stress. Stress? I thought I was happy. Maybe a little overworked but really, I loved my work and things in my life seemed generally good. At least that was what I had been telling myself for months.

What I had ignored (maybe even denied) was that my life was so unbalanced. Family time, health issues, friendships had all taken a backseat to my driven focus on my business. Surprisingly, during the two weeks in the hospital everything I thought I had to do got done – by someone else. And the few things that didn’t, were nowhere near as important as taking care of myself.

I realized then and have continued to pay attention now to the importance of recognizing that it’s all connected. Our work, our play, our professional lives, our personal lives. All of it. What happens in one, affects the other. It’s why so many times while coaching executives in leadership we take a detour to sort out something that drifts across our path. I believe it is no accident that an emotionally charged personal issue will torpedo into a career development coaching session. And sometimes it doesn’t! Sometimes it’s the other way around – coaching to resolve a difficult relationship, a health concern or family challenge – is interrupted by a significant workplace upset.

As I write this message I have once again had to reassess the choices I’m making right now to ensure my life is balanced. Somethings “gotta give” and I’m committed to making sure I err on the side of healthy choices.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | January 14, 2010

Next

As I sat down to write, I realized that all the topics I wanted to post seem somewhat irrelevant in the face of the devastating events in Haiti. What else can matter when everywhere we look there are images of horrible suffering and loss? How important are the many things we deem vital to our wellbeing when people are buried beneath mounds of rubble or left homeless without food or medical attention? There was a time when it would have taken days to have seen what now finds its way into our living rooms and at our fingertips. What is so heartbreaking is the personal stories that are broadcast everywhere we turn. So, it is that I express my deepest sorrow and compassion for the people of Haiti and all those who share their burden.

There is, as always, a way that this crisis makes me reflect on what I am doing in my life. What difference am I making. What purpose do I serve. What is next for me. 2009 was a year of transition. I lost many people I cared about including my beloved mother and my wonderful step-father-in-law. I also gained a beautiful daughter-in-law and deepened some friendships that matter a lot to me. In all, I was glad to let go of 2009 if only as a demarcation to have a fresh start. Of course that can happen anytime AND many times. For me, I needed the energy of the shift that takes place when a New Year begins to help me refocus. It’s working.

Rather than making resolutions I claimed an overall intention for 2010. I decided that 2010 is my “clean up” year. There are so many little things that are dangling around in my life and both wanting and needing to be cleaned up. There is that weight issue which was compounded by my reaction to grief. There is the book I said I’d publish and even though it was almost finished a year ago has not manifested. There is the integrity issue around what I pay my coach. There is the ongoing nuisance of my wishy washy commitment to a relationship with someone I feel obligated to. It’s the back and forth questioning of how I promote myself. There’s the resistance to things, the tolerating of things, the worrying about things and the old drama I love to pull out every now and then.

I know why people get fatigue. They just have too much stuff to clean up. Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually.

So, it’s time. It’s time to get on with it. No more excuses. Get it done.

I want this year to be more than just clean up. I want it to be a step up. Clean up what I need to and step up to what I’m called to. If that’s all I do it will be more than enough to satisfy my desire for fulfillment.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | November 18, 2009

Starting Where I Stand

“Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.” Napoleon Hill

It was a joy to read this quote yesterday. It is what I’m doing and what I’m sometimes criticized for doing. I have a tendency to rush into things and create action where others might think some planning would be better. Sometimes they are right. Sometimes, I just need momentum.

I’ve watched dreams die because a person spent years in the development process and nothing was ever built. A colleague and I did some fabulous collaborating and learned an enormous amount about co-leading only to find ourselves without participants in our workshop. We wanted to “get it right” and forgot to trust that the tools we needed would show up.

There is a part of me that instinctively takes actions. Maybe I have less fear of failure than I think – at least in some situations.

I am helping to manage a community meeting place and even though lots of conversations have taken place I can see that we have so many gaps to fill in. And I keep pushing ahead and doing what’s in front of me with a sense that things will come together. When people ask questions about what we are up to I don’t always sound clear because frankly I don’t know for sure. I know what our intention is and that is what carries us forward. If I had not taken steps with what I had there wouldn’t be so many exciting things happening in our little community.

Maybe there is some thing that you are wanting that always seems out of reach. Change your perspective. Not only am I a Change Facilitator in the work I do with clients, I continually change my own perspectives to empower myself every day. It what works.

This Napoleon Hill quote, from a renowned source of inspiration, gives you permission to act, to call, to engage, to move. And I believe you can and will make something happen, if only you start where you are standing.

 

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | October 6, 2009

Still Processing

Skating DarylAfter climbing to the tip of the limb with my last post I questioned why I would tell people something that seems so private. I firmly believe there is way too much private information in the public domain. And, I still feel it is important to be authentic. Hiding only adds unnecessary pressure. As I said to my coach “When all else fails, tell the truth!”

Besides a Shadow, I also have a Light. I am determined, focused, willing, committed, compassionate, thoughtful, generous and so much more. I am the shadow and light side of every behaviour. There is “good” and “bad” in being generous or focused. There is “good” and “bad” in being stubborn or stuck. There is power in knowing yourself and I am getting intimately acquainted with myself AGAIN. This has been my chosen path for many, many years. Some might suggest I need something to do. Trust me I am not idle, except when I am!

The bottom line is that when some area of your life is not working the way you want it to you have a choice. Turn inward and look for answers or outward and blame someone else. You get to decide which route fits you.

What I am compelled to say is “Set yourself free. Give yourself a break.”

Now, I need to journal. It’s part of my commitment to self-care. Be inspired.

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