Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 3, 2010

Doing Less, Being More

It’s taken me a long time to realize that the harder I work at trying to figure things out, the more exhausted I get and the less likely I am to get the results I want. Quite simply, I need to let go, surrender. My brain isn’t used to that and it feels somewhat contradictory to someone who loves solving puzzles of the mind.

So today I reconfigured the “meditation” nook in the cluster of trees near the water’s edge. It’s been waiting for some attention and I’ve been stuck in my head planning and deciding. Today I just did something and it has turned out better than I could have guessed. I put quotes around the word meditation because while it does suit that purpose it could also be called a nook for contemplation, reflection, reading, journalling or just being. Indeed, being is much more appealing to me as the days and weeks of my life march on. My understanding of the need to live in harmony within myself is a lot sharper than it has been. Middle age does that for you.

So as I plan my fall retreats I am committed to ensuring the space and opportunity for my guests to do less and be more. As they cross the threshold into my sanctuary of healing they give themselves the gift of knowing themselves on a deeper level. It is a brief pause in the busyness of life as most of us know it. And … today, I’m taking that for myself.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | May 13, 2010

Almost Seduced

I came close yesterday … again … to being seduced into buying something to help “fix me”. Because I live with a belief that somehow I need fixing I am always on high alert for things that will work for my particular “issues”. So it was that yesterday afternoon, between appointments I switched on the tv and saw a very serious look on Oprah’s face. As I listened and watched, I was mesmerized along with the teary eyed audience nodding their heads in agreement. At the second commercial break I ran to my computer, logged into Chapters Online and ordered the hardcover book AND the audiobook. I wanted to be sure they didn’t sell out before I got them. Relieved that I’d purchased the key to happiness, I finished work and made a point of watching the full program later that evening. That’s when a sense of uncertainty kicked in. That’s when I realized I was letting myself be seduced … again.

The book and audio series will surely have a long lasting, positive impact on those who read it and Lord knows there are millions of people who need to read it. The focus is on why we overeat/abuse food and what we can do about it. Not a new topic by a long shot and in the moment it did seem like the author might have a new perspective that would be THE answer for millions of dieting, frustrated overweight people. And I’m guessing it IS the answer they have been looking for. For me? It’s a different story.

What struck me as I gave myself time to absorb the message was that I had learned this truth many, many years ago. The fact that I don’t always apply the wisdom is another issue. What I realized in that moment was that purchasing the book was not the answer. Following my inner guidance and doing what I knew would serve me, was.

So here I was tempted … again … to be seduced by the intensity of the discussion and the longing for change within me. Spending $50 on material that confirmed what I already know, doesn’t feel right. Spending money to download techniques for responding might be worth it.Then again, with my extensive collection of books I’m pretty sure the answer is on my shelf.

And now that I know better, I’m ready to do better.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | May 6, 2010

Changing my Relationship With Loss

I know I’m still grieving – to some extent – the loss of my mother last September. And, grieving the loss of my Grama in March. And maybe even the loss of my father and father-in-law in recent years. Yet today, listening to my friend’s empty sadness since her mother’s passing, I realize that I need to change how I relate to grief – in myself and others.

I’m of an age where there are a lot of people around me in the second half of their lives. For some there is a relaunching, rejuvenation and exciting perspective. For others, the decline is obvious, steady and probable. Inevitably, if we live long enough, we will say a lot of goodbyes. Since I have a secret wish to live a long healthy life, how I handle grief makes a difference.

Today I’m noticing how difficult it is for me to recover and that worries me. I need a strategy. I don’t want to become immobilized over and over again. I want to bless the state of grace that moves through us as we transition out of our lives. I typically don’t have trouble acknowledging that the sadness I feel is for those of us left behind. We are the ones who now have vacant spaces.

For sure, some of my discomfort comes from a sense that time is running out. It feels like so much wants to be done and is indeed calling to be done. Over and over again I am seeing the end of the road and I’m just not ready. I suspect my discontent is based on my reluctance to step fully into the projects and ideas that are continually showing up. Perhaps this is the strategy I will use to make the memories of my lost loves mean something. And, when all is said and done, making my own life mean something. Perhaps.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | May 6, 2010

Unfinished Business

Again today I was reminded that I have some unfinished business in my life. There is a woman somewhere who shares my DNA. She is my half-sister and I have very few clues to help me find her. Periodically I go looking; making phone calls; searching on line; asking questions; re-reading my father’s notes … notes from the father we share.

There is so little to go on and, if I am willing to invest thousands of dollars, there are people who think they can track her down.

I haven’t seen Ann in nearly 50 years. I’m curious. How are we alike? What kind of life has she lived? Has she ever thought of us as I’ve thought of her? What kept her away? What does she remember?

Since my mother and grandmother passed in the last several months I’ve found myself wanting to connect and reconnect with the women in my family. In particular, the ones who have gone before me and shaped the path I now walk. Ann is one of them. She has lived in my heart and mind for almost five decades. I have this small photograph, some grainy images on an old home movie and just recently a picture of her parents – my father in his military uniform and a smartly dressed young woman.

What I don’t have is my sister. And since I am in the process of clearing up unfinished business, I start looking … again.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | April 29, 2010

Within My Means

Today I stumbled on this quote: “There is no dignity quite so impressive, and no one independence quite so important, as living within your means.” by Calvin Coolidge. It struck me as being so very sensible and yet so seemingly distance from how most people I know operate … including myself.

While I don’t want to be in poverty consciousness, always fearing the end of my financial resources I also don’t want to live in an excess state of mind. There must be somewhere in between that is as sensible as this quote. Maybe it is sufficiency … a word that comes up often amongst my Wild Boar Leadership Tribe. Webster’s (my favourite dictionary) describes sufficient as “to meet one’s needs”. The word need might be the key here since I’ve come to realize that even when we think our needs are met there is an enormous tidal wave of marketing that would suggest otherwise. Annie Leonard’s lovely little film “The Story of Stuff” got me thinking a few years ago. Since then, I am frequently uncomfortable with my spending habits – which by most standards are pretty minimal. At least until last week.

I found myself deciding I needed a new blender. I rarely use the one I have because it’s attached to a large, heavy unit that does a lot of things I’ve never done (grinding meat, mixing dough etc.) Knowing a friend had asked if I had a blender for his visit I thought I better upgrade. Of course there were literally dozens of options. After much comparison I settled on a sleek model for about $80.00. Driving home I couldn’t help but wonder why I’d bought it. I certainly didn’t need to spend that much on something I use once or twice a year. I might … repeat, might … use it more if it was more convenient. But to spend $80.00 on something I didn’t really need left me feeling defeated.

As soon as I got home I taped the bill to the box and will return it on my next trip to the city. I simply don’t need it. I can offer up the one I have or borrow one for the four days my friend is visiting. I don’t need something else to store, maintain, clean, move around and generally take up space. And the money? I’ll save it for something I really need and not something I think I should have.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | April 28, 2010

The Slow Process of Re-building

I believe that most people buy lottery tickets and diet pills for the quick fix. To make the kind of money a lottery can offer or get the results of chemical medication could take a long time. In some cases, a very, very long time. So who wouldn’t want to be “instantly” successful?

The truth is that whether we want immediate gratification or not, most of the time we have to do the “work”. This might be especially true when our self-esteem, our self-worth takes a hit. Recently I got a phone message from someone who reacted very negatively to something I’d written. They admitted they had taken the comments personally and were insulted. Even in the first moments of hearing the words and in particular when they included an admission that they were stuck in their own story, I felt comfortable in my belief that this wasn’t about me.

Since my day hadn’t been going that well, this would usually have been a signal to spiral into self loathing of some manner. Not this time. I was confident that the intention I’d written from was never meant to be hurtful. This kept me from getting out a whip and lashing myself for poor judgment. However, as time moved on and I was still struggling with the challenges I faced before the call, I saw myself slowly slipping into a place of questioning. “Well, maybe I was insensitive. Maybe I should have been more careful. Maybe I’d offended a lot of people. Maybe I was just plain nasty.”

Whoa! Not going there I said to myself! I knew that since my day was unravelling and this was adding fuel to the fire, I stopped what I was doing and did a fairly significant chore that I’d been avoiding. It was something I KNEW I’d be proud of myself for getting done. It took me a long time as I realized how much I wanted to distract myself and self-sabotage. Eventually it was done and a few other things along the way. The result was that I felt better. I did something that made me feel good about myself and as simple, or childish, or inconsequential, or minimal as that might seem – it works.

Many of us are programmed to beat ourselves up in reaction to what others might say or do. Rebuilding our self-esteem can be a slow process and what it does is create a solid foundation to operate from. It’s worth the effort.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | April 22, 2010

Getting Ahead of Myself

This morning I am feeling that pressure that sets in once in a while when I haven’t taken time to sit on the porch with a cup of tea. I am reminded of my little friend Morgan who was describing her first triathlon when she was around 6 years old. She showed me pictures of her in the pool and said “I was swimming faster than I wanted to.” Besides how cute she looked telling me it resonated deeply and after many years, I haven’t forgotten it.

Today I feel a bit like I’m swimming faster than I want to. I’m working “hard” on some important internal issues and at keeping up my physical activity. Without my weekly circuit and yoga classes I’m feeling a big difference in my body. Instead, I’m walking … a lot … and using the time to listen to some of my favourite authors such as Caroline Myss and Marianne Williamson. I’m also immersed in Parker Palmer’s book Hidden Wholeness. What I realize I’m missing is the time to process what I’m reading and listening to. This is life changing material. While I’ve heard the cd’s many times before, the book is new to me and touching me on a soul level.

And … I need to write in my journal. If I don’t process what this all means to me it’s no different than reading a text manual or short story. I’ll always take something away and yet not benefit from the bigger shift that is possible when we assimilate learning into our whole “self”. This too is where I communicate with the world of the divine. Where I hear guidance and where I ask the questions I am pondering.

Kettle has boiled. Journal in hand.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | April 21, 2010

Faking Self-Esteem

You can’t fake self-esteem. You can try … and you might fool some of the people some of the time BUT not everyone and not always.

We wear our self-esteem all over our faces, our bodies and in our voices. We shout, we cry, we whine, we whisper, we criticize, we complain, we deny, we lie. Our self-esteem enters the room just moments before we physically show up and lands before we open our mouth. The biggest smile or meanest glare can’t hide the self-loathing that we fight to conceal.

So what’s a girl/guy to do when your insides are churning with self-doubt and you desperately want to feel confident or competent or at least grounded? I’ve learned a trick that works every time. I stop whatever I’m doing and do something that I KNOW will make me feel really good about myself. There was a time when I thought that meant eating a piece of chocolate. I quickly learned that the momentary high of sugar/caffeine only sent me into a tailspin of self recrimination.

So now … I literally stop myself and do something that lightens my heart. Sometimes I take a walk. Sometimes I sit quietly outside in the fresh air. Sometimes I clean out a cupboard; vacuum the dust in the hallway, clear off my desk or eat an apple. It doesn’t have to be big and full of drama. It just has to be something that you know, on a deep soul level, will make you say “atta girl/boy”. You know what it is … so go esteem yourself!

Trust me – people will notice!

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | April 20, 2010

Whose The Wise One Now?

As I say goodbye to another member of my family I find myself wondering who the wise one will be now? Inevitably, if we live long enough, we will lose our older mentors, the crones, the historians in our families and our world. Surviving feels like it comes with some responsibility. That is, to carry on the traditions of wisdom that are essential to humankind.

So it is that my sisters and I, both the ones I share DNA with and the ones I share a heart with, are now positioned to be the nurturers of those who follow us. They will have to come to us and we will have to know … something. We don’t have to pretend to know what we don’t and we don’t have to have all the answers. We do sit precariously on the edge of a knowing and with time, I am realizing that I will need to spend more time looking inward for solutions.

My grama was both an inspiration and a soul supporter right to the end. I still hear her soft voice and still smile at her simple, wise words. The legacy we assume in families and communities is not taken on lighting. The torch is passed, hand to hand, heart to heart and I find I am “growing myself up”.

Wisdom emerges when we set aside our thinking to let the divine speak through us. There is no better time than right now to be a vessel of wisdom.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | April 20, 2010

The Planetary Rebellion

When all the trees have been cut down, when all the animals have been hunted, when all the waters are polluted, when all the air is unsafe to breathe, only then will you discover you cannot eat money. – Cree prophecy

We don’t have to look far to see the effects of climate change and the devastating impact it has on our world.  Earthquakes, mudslides, wind storms, hurricanes, volcanoes, wildfires, droughts, flooding. The planet is rebelling. AND make no mistake – the planet will survive whatever comes. It is we humans who may not live in the manner which we prefer.

Say what you will about science or fate. We can make a difference. We do make a difference. The question is will we?

Ask yourself today what you can do to stem the flow of destruction. It might be recycling; composting; reusing. It might be speaking up, cleaning up. It might be not buying more stuff. It might be making peace.

Whatever it is – be someone who is part of the solution.

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