Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | July 5, 2010

In The End What Matters Most

“In the end what matters most is …

How well did you live

How well did you love

How well did you learn to let go”

Unknown Author

Really, what does matter to you and what will matter to you when you reach the end of your life? If it matters then, make it matter now. People live with the awkwardness of regret lurking in the shadows. They know what matters and they know it will catch up with them AND they still resist.

In the end, there are few second chances. This isn’t meant to alarm or scare or intimidate anyone into action. It is a one of those gentle reminders that life as we know it can feel short. Losing someone we love is a painful way to be awakened to what matters. Losing our home or possessions by our own hands, by the economy or by a violent act of nature can sharply narrow our focus to what we care most about.

Letting go is probably one of the easiest ways to claim freedom and peace of mind AND one of the least chosen options. I’ve witnessed so many people take grudges to their graves. What a waste of energy and life. So how well have you learned to let go? What could you let go of today – hurt, anger, shame, fear – that would release you from a disempowered place and give you a chance to experience the magnificence of this moment?

Because in the end, that’s all that really matters.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | July 3, 2010

Marketing Manipulation

I’m taking a risk here and somehow I don’t think I can live peacefully with myself unless I say something. I may invite criticism or rejection and right now, I am determined to listen to myself.

Yesterday, after much consideration I decided to lower the cost of my September Retreat. Reworking my calculations I found a way to save some money AND I adjusted my fee. Why? Because I want the experience to be accessible; affordable. Of course I need to make money to feel fairly compensated for my efforts and I will be. I also know that I can offer the same powerful retreat experience for a different price.

The Marketing Manipulation piece opened up when I came up with the new cost: $610.00. Almost immediately I thought “I can drop that to $599 or $595 because it sounds like less.” Suddenly I realized I was usually a tactic that is so commonplace most of us probably take it for granted. By asking for $595 or $599 I’m saying “Look at this – it’s under $600 – what a deal”. Honestly I think that most people would read either of those numbers and think “Okay, it’s $600 bucks”. So why not just say it? Why not be honest? In some ways there is a sense that using this angle says “I don’t think you’re smart enough to see through my attempts to convince you this is cheaper than you think.” God, how arrogant and condescending. And now every marketing person is rolling their eyes and discounting me as naive or ignorant. That’s fine. I’m not attached to being accepted by everybody!

I’m tired of what feels like manipulation to me. I realize that I may not be as successful as other people because I don’t take advantage of smart, little tips to market or promote myself and my work. So be it. Everywhere I look in this world someone is spinning something. It’s hard to avoid.

For me, I feel a need to “come clean”. I’m lowering my price because I want eight women to come to the September Women’s Wisdom Retreat and see themselves in the most amazing light. I want them to change what isn’t working, celebrate what is and go back into their world with confidence. I KNOW what can happen here and I see it over and over and over again. My biggest challenge is getting that message out in an honest way; a conscious, respectful way that says “I trust you’ll know this is right for you.” I’m working on it.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | July 1, 2010

Standing Out in The Crowd

Some of us just stand out in a crowd. It’s not always intentional. Sometimes we are just looking for the same thing as everyone else but our physical appearance or our “presence” speaks volumes.

If you want to be seen as “the same” or fitting in or part of something it can be very challenging to blend when you are inherently “different”. And what does that say about the rest of us who don’t see you as the “same”. Visible minorities and disabled people have battled this situation for years. I’m also aware of how aging is impacting our perception of people’s abilities. As a good friend stated, “People don’t expect a woman of my age and appearance to have anything of value to offer.” That bothered me. Probably because I’m almost the same age and have rebelled against a professional or perceived “required” appearance for years. It might even now be listed in psychology books under the “Susan Boyle syndrome”.

There is a way in this fast paced world that we look for the most expeditious route to get what we want. That might mean discounting someone who looks different in favour of someone who fits our visual image of competence. There is a lot we can learn from our assumptions.

I wonder what wisdom we are missing.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 30, 2010

Surrender

Earlier today I heard myself saying the words I so often offer to people in crisis. “Give up your need to know”. When I first heard this phrase from Caroline Myss I felt enormous relief. It was so freeing to let go of my need to figure things out or try to make things work. This was true especially when I was struggling. There’s a big clue right there.

What I’ve noticed is that the energy lost in a battle to “brain things into being” depletes the creative juices that would otherwise rise to the top. And I also believe that it signals the universe that you don’t trust whatever divine process might be happening at this moment.

It takes courage to surrender and it is definitely not about giving up. Never. It is about trusting that you are being guided and that the monkey chatter in your head and twisting knots in your stomach will not lead you to the answers or the goal. Instead, allow what naturally and powerfully wants to show up inside and all around you. Make peace with the frightened voice that demands that you try harder. The truth is that sometimes we get exactly what we want when we let go.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 29, 2010

The Power of Deep Connection

For 12 days I bathed in the energy of my Wild Boar Leadership Tribe. I started with one, eased into two and then blossomed quickly into 15 of us. At any given time there was an air of possibility, expectation, emergence and edgy calling forth. This is our language. Language that we have come to embrace for what it means to us on a deep, soul connection level.

We are up to something in this world. It is yet to be clearly defined and I would say it may never be. While having a sharp focus that can easily be articulated might be useful in explaining ourselves to others, what makes this group so intriguing is their ability to “feel” what is in the “space”, listen beyond word or sound and ultimately go where we are sent.

The power of our deep connection gives us the safety and confidence to take on global challenges and small quests. And we are not exclusive. Gently, with reverence and genuine appreciation, we open our hearts to anyone who slips into step with us. We are committed to serving; serving our planet; serving humankind; serving the divine. We do it in many different ways and we do it with the full knowledge that we are being called, always, to a greater need than our own. It’s awesome; awe inspiring.

So what does all this mean? Stay tuned. As we use the energy of this past week in the sacred lands of Tobermory on the tip of the Bruce Peninsula we spread out like waves (sometimes soothing, sometimes wildly excited) into the world. Make no mistake we are here to awaken those who invite us in. We are here to transform the consciousness of those who want to understand. We are not here to fix. We are here to share.

We are Wild Boars and we are here … now.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 28, 2010

Change: The Denial We Hide Behind

For the umpteenth time I heard someone say “I can’t change. I’ve tried and I just don’t have what it takes.” I gave them a limp smile and thought “B*@#&%~T”. I’m thinking that when all else fails, we just default to denial. It takes the pressure off; leaves us free to keep avoiding; feels safe. And in the end, we can wave our victim flag and let the world know that it’s “not our fault”. How exhausting. How boring!

Changing is NOT the problem. Our attitude about change IS. Every excuse for change is just a finely crafted exit strategy. It might well be that change, at this moment, doesn’t fit. Fine. Own it for what it is and stop whining about it. If the changes you want are gnawing at your insides then it’s time to stop lying to yourself and hiding behind denial. Do I sound a little preachy today? Am I being loud and harsh? I hope so. I’m tired of the denial that I hide behind in my own life. Tired of watching the people around me hide behind their denial.

Yes, it can take courage to change. Yes, it can take willpower. Yes, it can take much longer than most of us would like. So what? Living with a slow, steady thumping in the depth of our souls, back of our minds, shallows of our hearts is far more detrimental to our emotional, physical and spiritual health than the effort it takes to shift gears. Time moves on whether or not we do.

I tell people all the time (probably more often than they care to hear) that if you want something in your life to be different, first SEE it differently. Change your perspective and you change the challenge/problem. Change scares people. I offer retreats that boast “Change Happens Here”. People get scared. They would rather blame and complain than actually show up in their life.

Okay, I am definitely off the radar on my passion thermometer. Do I mean every word? You betcha. Will I take this message into my own life and use it? You betcha. Do I want to hold myself accountable AND hold others accountable? You betcha.

Come out from the shadows and change what you’ve been hiding from.

Women’s Wisdom Retreat

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 25, 2010

Recovering

This is one of those times when recovering really matters to me. As I come out the other side of an incredibly powerful Leadership Retreat I am quietly observing how I recover to my “other” life. The joy, exhilaration and absolute engagement that happens when my Wild Boar Tribe unites is enough to keep me unhinged for weeks. I am “lost” in the sheer awe of what we create together to deepen our learning and ignite our visions.

At least until it’s time for another load of laundry!

What I know for certain is that I don’t want the momentum to disappear in the wake of a long “to do” list. AND I especially don’t want to escape into possibilities while what is in front of me waits impatiently. So the trick is to recover. To recover with confidence, certainty, expectation, energy. To recover with intention; with balance. To join the doing and being so that one is not forgotten or avoided.

For those who only days ago sat at the water’s edge with me, smelling the fresh air, hearing the gulls cry, warmed by the morning sun … I am reminded of a favourite quote by Marianne Williamson. “Now is the time to show up fully for life, whatever the circumstances.” Indeed, now is the time to recover … to self, to life as it shows up now, to life imagined.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 14, 2010

Hiding From Your Shadow

Feeling tired? Fatigued? Stressed? Just plain worn down? Have you considered that maybe … just maybe … you have exhausted yourself trying to hide from your shadow? Could be.

What I’ve observed, and learned first-hand, is that the effort it takes to suppress or avoid our shadow can take it’s toll on us physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Our innate fear of seeing our dark side keeps us sleeping with one eye open, hoping we won’t be ambushed. For anyone who has a tendency to beat themselves up on a regular basis the very idea of facing our shadow ignites terror. What if we go “in” and can’t get out? What if we see traits, attitudes, behaviours that we consider despicable and get completely lost in the story of how ugly we really are? What if indeed?

The biggest assumption I hear is that the shadow is all “bad”. The truth is that there is good and bad in every quality and since we have them all (yes, you read that right), the sooner we accept all that we are, the sooner we can relax with ourselves. That means owning our good, the not so good and the downright stinky stuff. AND the brilliant, the talented, the honourable which surprising as it might be, is just as nerve wracking for many people.

The Shadow offers us a powerful entry into living a “whole” life. Never has the saying “you can run but you can’t hide” been more accurate. Embracing our shadow side is a powerful way towards accepting ourselves AND others. Carl Jung, the great pioneering psychologist said “If people can be educated to see the lowly side of their own natures, it may be hoped that they will also learn to understand and to love their fellow men better. A little less hypocrisy and a little more tolerance towards oneself can only have good results in respect for our neighbor; for we are all too prone to transfer to our fellows the injustice and violence we inflict upon our own natures.”

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 10, 2010

The Power Of Staying

There has probably never been a better time in history for those who want to numb themselves from any discomfort. We have tools on so many levels; so many ways to distract or avoid feeling what unsettles us. And we are told that we “shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable.” AND it is my perspective that many of us don’t even realize that what we are doing is avoiding. At least we don’t acknowledge this on a conscious level.

It’s been said that behaviours often start for one reason and then continue out of habit or without thought. For example, someone may experience something very traumatic like the death of a loved one and begin using medication to sleep. Years, even decades later, they are still taking a substance when what might need to happen is to address the pain, deal with the feelings. Overeating is one of the easiest ways of numbing ourselves from what we don’t want to feel. Unconscious eating creates a vicious cycle of self-abuse that is remarkably sensitive to the power of staying. You can’t do both.

What is really intriguing is that for so many people I’m guessing that what they are pushing back from is nowhere near as painful as they imagine. We can indeed handle much more than we sometimes give ourselves credit for. It can be so liberating to discover that what we have been terrified of feeling actually loses it’s intensity when we slow down and let it be. AND what I’ve noticed is that the inherent guilt and shame that follows a withdrawal response is more damaging than the original pain.

While it would seem logical that people would want to eliminate their obsessive or numbing actions, when confronted with the reality of what it takes, some folks back down. In that moment when you find yourself … switching to a computer card game, scouring facebook for updates, mindlessly eating from a candy dish, reaching for an alcoholic drink or getting lost in the fantasy of winning the lottery … it’s time to stop. Often, we have been so conditioned (by ourselves) in our response that we are “in it” before we know it. When we challenge that by stopping ourselves – checking in on what we are feeling and staying with it – it can feel “rough”, except when it doesn’t and we are amazed at how easy it is to shift.

Staying with what is keeps us in the present moment, keeps us here – now; keeps us awake, conscious. There is freedom, joy and peace in letting ourselves feel what we are feeling – all the way through.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 5, 2010

Teachings of the Seven Grandfathers

Wisdom, Love, Respect, Bravery, Honesty, Humility and Truth

The Anishinaabe lived on the land where I now live. I’ve been curious and asked questions. The Teachings of the Seven Grandfathers dip into every corner of our lives and offer the opportunity to explore how we “be” in the world. Each day as I meditate – sometimes for a few moments and sometimes much longer – in the presence of my Seven Grandfathers carving, I feel the power of the teachings.

I am reminded that learning comes as much from sitting still and listening as it does from active study. In this place of sacred land and healing nature I wonder how people without a sanctuary survive. Perhaps they first need to find the internal retreat before they can create it in their world.

I’m at a loss for how to communicate the power of coming to this quiet setting to reflect and reconnect. I know that everyone who visits or joins one of my retreats is deeply moved by the experience. What I trust, is that those who are seeking will find their way here. And when they do, life becomes more real, more conscious, more alive, more fulfilling, more reverent. They live better, work better, love better, lead better.

And that … is why I keep doing what I do.

September 16 – 19, 2010 Women’s Wisdom Retreat

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