Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | July 11, 2025

Finding Holiness in a Kayak

Several years ago I wrote a post called Halfway Between The Sun and The Moon. It was a longer than usual post so I don’t know how many people read the whole thing. I did this morning and it still holds as an anchor to so much of what my life has been and is on Eagle Harbour. Today, in the early morning hours in my kayak I hadn’t even realized there was a full moon until I floated in the big water waiting for the sun to come up. I drifted around looking at the beautiful colours of the sky when I saw her – the full moon slowly peeping out from a band of clouds. She was low in the western sky and eventually fully exposed. It got me thinking.

She was there even if I couldn’t see her. As was the sun that I was waiting for. What else was and is ‘there’ even if I can’t see it/them? And how opportune to have the clear reminder of that morning in 2021 when I had first found myself on a remarkably still Lake Huron halfway between the sun and the moon. How different life was then.

Sitting in the stillness I wondered if I could ‘hold’ all this beauty and reverence. I didn’t have anything to take a picture with and no one with me to share the experience. It would just be me and the wonder I was seeing and feeling. I knew I would come home and write about it because I write about things that touch me deeply. And I wondered if that’s why people are so active on social media (I am non existent there). Perhaps they long to be seen, heard and belong. And I know that my aching loneliness for my beloved Doug is a catalyst for some of what I do – writing, talking, sharing, connecting. It is that longing to belong and share the full range of what this amazing world has to offer. It is seeing and feeling such profound emotion in these early hours that feels too much for one heart to embrace. In a strange coincidence that’s how the painful grief feels – too much. If I can hold one, can I hold the other?

So I wrote and waited to see if I wanted to share. In my 2021 Halfway post I noted that the retelling of the story diluted it in some way. What I know for sure right now is that I soaked up the holiness of that time this morning when the lake was sacred still and I was breathing in life halfway between the sun and the moon.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 28, 2025

A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats

Living on Lake Huron this is an obvious statement. But it means so much more than that for me. And today was a clear example of this phrase.

Early this morning I saw a notice that a local police constable was leading a bicycle ride to raise money for cancer. On the 45th anniversary of Terry Fox’s attempt to run across Canada with a prosthetic leg to raise money for cancer, his brother and others set out to bring in donations and awareness. A small group of riders would be coming off of the ferry from Manitoulin Island and go through the village of Tobermory to continue on their journey. Eighteen years ago Doug and visited the memorials to Terry in Victoria, B.C. and where his ride ended in Thunder Bay, Ontario. Doug was very moved and thought of Terry when he himself was diagnosed with cancer in 2017.

So, I sent out a last minute message this morning and rounded up 17 of us to stand along the highway in front of the local grocery store and wave and cheer as they rode by with an extensive police escort. They slowed down and waved back as our enthusiasm was contagious. It was an exciting few moments.

What really touched me was how much each of the people who joined me expressed their gratitude for being part of something that felt historic. Besides the many smiles and engaging conversations they felt so uplifted being part of something so special. And so … the rising tide of goodwill, lifted each little ‘boat’ who waved a flag, their arms and clapped their hands and shouted good wishes. And then we realized that many shoppers and the store owner had come out to see what the fuss was about. Many of them had big smiles and commented on our gesture.

So it is that we don’t often realize how doing something to recognize or acknowledge others can give back so much more to so many. Let’s keep the tide of kindness and compassion rising. There are many little boats waiting for a high tide.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 27, 2025

Where Are You Putting Your Focus?

That’s the First Vital Question in The Empowerment Dynamic work that I loved and taught for ten years. The principle is so simple. Really. Just notice if you are focusing on problems, inconveniences, disappointments, difficulties, annoyances, and drama – big drama and little drama. Just notice. The first step in changing our behaviour is recognizing it and the second step is an honest acknowledgement of the facts as we know them. If what we are focused on makes us anxious, angry, sad, frustrated or numb then we can decide if that’s what we want to focus on. And even those of us who know this have sometimes had a hard time taking back our power by simply telling ourselves the truth. It all sounds a little like magical thinking in a world where distractions are at what feels like an all time high. But that too is a focus that limits our ability for hope.

And somewhere between noticing and acknowledging there is space, if we choose, for a pause. Space for breathing and ‘being with’ whatever rises from within. I feel this when I suddenly realize my beloved Doug is no more on the physical earth. He doesn’t live in my house as he once did and some people in my life will never know his funny, kind ways. When the noticing comes, I feel emotions racing to the surface and sometimes, when I can, I pause. I pause long enough to feel what this is like for me before I reluctantly sigh and acknowledge the truth. Even in those few moments there is time for a pause. After the acknowledgement I can quietly decide where I will put my focus.

I’ve been told repeatedly by well-meaning, loving supporters that if I focus on the blessings of my life with Doug and the blessings I have now, I will feel more ease. 18 long months in, I know, and really have known all along, they are right. Until now, it has been an almost impossible task to see anything but the void that his passing has left in my life. I say almost because with the kindness of my friends and colleagues I have dipped my toe into shifting my perspective off and on. None of us is perfect at anything and I give myself and others credit for the times we override our impulses to bring ourselves more peace.

And I am committed to feeling my feelings so I know that noticing and acknowledging don’t guarantee I will want to move out of grief. Sometimes it seems to keep me close to my much loved Doug and I am not ready to ‘give up’ that connection. And when I am ready, I stand by the lake or in woods or the grocery store or wherever I am and breathe into a place that lifts my spirits knowing I am humbled to have had such a devoted partner and years of heartfelt memories.

Where I put my focus is a powerful tool I’ve taught others. For these many months of mourning I have been ambushed so often I rarely had the capacity to change where I put my focus. I’m doing it now, as best I can, as I ease into my new life.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | June 23, 2025

Grief Brings Us Together

My grieving has moved me into deeper, much deeper connections with people that until now, I have had more superficial relationships with – local people, neighbours, friends, even family. They have been witness to my soul, my authenticity in a way that is not about the spiritual language of authenticity, more of the sacred, holiness of my soul that has no language for what it is, no framework – it is simply and beautifully my soul – a space, an energy, a feeling.

And they have seen it, felt it, and perhaps not even been able to describe or put it into any context other than what we as a culture, as a community, as people in the throws of ordinary lives, suddenly and almost violently thrust into communications with my despair can grasp. They could not look away in the moment anymore than I could, and most of them didn’t. They stood still, wept, held their breath, hugged, spoke, remained silent, tried to find an opening to understand, to be of help, to do something, anything.

Sometimes though – not at first – sometimes my grief drew them into that soul space within themselves where we knew each other, where we were so fully connected. And my grieving – openly, honestly, vulnerably – gave us the chance to face that moment together and maybe, maybe unite, to be one with each other, to be holy together.

And what else besides grief, besides raw suffering in grief can take us there, at such a depth. Maybe love. Maybe. But with so many of us, how hard is it to love the full way that my grief has brought us together.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | May 27, 2025

Looking For The Barrel

On my morning kayak I slowed down to look for the barrel. A few years ago as I reentered our bay I looked down and was surprised to see a large round barrel partially buried in the silt on the bottom. Most of the bay is rocky so it was luck or misfortune that the barrel ended up here where whatever journey it was on would grind to halt as the bottom claimed a part of it. I remember circling around and taking note of the location so I could point it out to others. Debris moves around on a big lake like Huron so it would be almost impossible to know where it started it’s journey.

Going on these many years I have looked for the barrel without success and again this morning, when the water was smooth as glass, I went back and forth over the area and didn’t find the barrel. I continued into the ‘big’ water past the safety of the reef (water was still there as well) and on my way back I did another search. No barrel in sight. And then I paused. I realized that I would likely always be looking for the barrel because I’d seen it once and the memory was firmly implanted in my brain. In fact, I might never go over that same spot without thinking about the barrel. It had been significant on the cruising day and would forever be in my thoughts whether I made that a conscious decision or not.

And so it is that in spite of happy walks with friends, meals together, projects, long bike rides, conversations, adventures, accomplishments, laughter, and tears, there will always be the memories of my beloved Doug in just about everything I do, even the things he had never done with me. If I can be so amazed that a barrel on the bottom of the lake has stuck with me all these years it can’t be a leap to search for Doug around every corner in every area of my life. He was, for 25 years, enmeshed with my own being in a way that suited us both in the face of joy and sadness. We were, as Mary-Frances O’Connor details in The Grieving Brain, connected on a much more physical level than even we knew.

Perhaps today you will notice what remnants of your own past have secured themselves in a way that brings comfort or at least a jolt to awaken awareness.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | May 12, 2025

Adrian Hayes, My Inspiration

I’ve been waiting to hear from my friend Adrian Hayes knowing he is on yet another monumental expedition. We met in 2008 at a Leadership Program and have enjoyed a sporadic friendship including when he had a week stay at my home in Tobermory, Ontario. We share a special bond that has taken turns of lifting each other at difficult times. Weeks after my beloved Doug died, Adrian phoned me from his home in the U.K. to talk about Doug and reflect on how he cared about him and me.

Fast forward to last night and I got a call that he is being slowly rope carried down the side of Mount Kanchenjunga in Nepal suffering an illness that has put him in grave danger. They hope to get him to Base Camp 3 so he can be airlifted to a hospital. Apparently helicopters can’t fly any higher so the tedious descent is up to the reliable Sherpas that Adrian has worked with for decades.

As I and so many others wait and pray for his safe return I think about the drive that has pushed him to exceed what most would think of as normal limits on accomplishments. The photo here is me wearing the jacket he had on when he earned a world record for being the first to reach The Three Poles in the shortest time (Mount Everest and the North and South Poles). And he didn’t stop there. Adrian inspires so many looking for personal and professional empowerment to surpass the roadblocks they put on their way to success. He does this with his physical endeavours and the Leadership programs he offers worldwide. And this morning, he is inspiring me.

I have no desire or intention of the kind of physical extremes that Adrian would tackle. But honestly, the emotional and psychological challenges I face feel as daunting as an 8,586 m (28,169 ft) mountaintop. I can hear Adrian telling me to ‘press on’, ‘don’t give up’, ‘focus’, ‘believe in myself’. We have both grown in our fearless quests to live full on with authenticity and passion. Sometimes I still see that in myself and it’s something that keeps him striving where others, like me, might have given in to defeat.

In my search for inner peace and a willingness to find meaning again I want to be sure I don’t miss this opportunity to learn from one of my heroes. Adrian is fighting for his life and while I may be judged as dramatic for saying that I am too, there is little doubt in my heart and mind that sometimes climbing out of my despair requires the same fierce, constant attention whether it is as harsh as doing tasks that exhaust me or as soft as watching branches move slightly in the breeze. Today, mindfulness will keep me alert to the reality that is surrounding me so I am not hauled back up the mountain of grief. Today I will stay awake and when I start to slide I will gently comfort my way to self-kindness and a love for the safety and wellbeing of my friend Adrian.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | May 9, 2025

So Much Work

In my desperate search for comfort I read books and blogs, watch videos and podcasts, talk to people, listen to people and search headlines for something that will ease the ongoing suffering. I find tremendous solace in Quiet Wisdom, The Modern Buddhist and most recently The Grieving Brain by Mary Frances O’Connor. And friends remind me to turn grief into gratitude, to notice where I am putting my focus, to be thankful I had experienced such deep love, acknowledge how far I have come and to appreciate my comfortable, uncomplicated circumstances. And it all helps. And it all reveals a part of me that is so hard to reconcile. I am still grieving deeply after one and half years. One and half years. It’s hard to even say that out loud or write about it. I am still looking for Doug to anchor me to this world that feels so alien. How could Doug have been gone that long? How have I survived without my person?

I have started several blogs only to stop myself because it felt wrong to burden others with my pain and it they sounded disjointed. What if it comes across as pathetic or too difficult to hear? What if it further isolates me? Already I watch people slip quietly out of my life (well, sometimes with some noise) as they realize that I am ‘not getting better’, ‘not moving on’, ‘stuck in the past’, ‘not grateful enough’. I hear it in subtle comments, see it in their tired eyes and feel it in their turning away, turning off, distancing.

And for all those who have grown weary of my woe, I am the one who most resents and abhors the state I am in. It is so much work. So much work to breathe through the periods of anguish that suck the life out of everything that matters to me. So much work to make decisions around even the smallest of things that I would have the confidence to do in the past. So much work to let go of the relationships that were so special to Doug and I. So much work to show my appreciation to the kind and loving souls who still take my teary calls, offer a hug, hold space without needing to fix me. So much work to eat healthy, care for my body, nourish my heart and mind with meditation and stillness. So much work to just be.

Perhaps comparing my grief to others has made me want to hide. In a world where we celebrate courage, strength, tenacity and resilience, I am holding up a mirror that gives a failing grade. If I say it takes a lot of effort to do simple things my inner critic rolls their eyes. After all, I am frequently reminded that everyone, literally everyone, has stuff going on in their lives. My struggles are far less severe and therefore, the inference is that they should not be made out to be so horrific.

And there it is. I have so, so much to be grateful for. The lists I make fill many lined pages of thankfulness for the people and places that give me ease and sometimes great joy. The question is always how to survive when I fall over the cliff and can’t see the light. And I fall over the cliff more often than I admit to others and certainly more often than I want. How do I keep simply noticing with self-love the tyranny of grief that robs me of fully engaging with this extraordinary life I have been given? How do I honour Doug’s life and all he generously gave to me and others?

Maybe, just maybe, I can find a way to see myself as worthy of this precious life. Until then, I will keep waiting for the answers, the magic, elusive elixir that is the cure for grief and mourning. There have been plenty of little epiphanies that have kept me going and each has elevated me out of despair. I tell myself, it’s just a matter of time before another ‘ah-ha’ propels me along this journey.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | April 25, 2025

A Normal Day

When Doug and I met he was very impressed that I rose at the crack of dawn and walked for an hour almost every morning. That didn’t change and, in fact, became more inspiring for both of us when we moved to Tobermory. Walking the empty, quiet country roads the mornings all year round became my meditation and motivation. This morning I left home at 6:40 a.m. not realizing how chilly it was and that the wind was stronger than my reference said. I couldn’t resist the urge to get out on my bike and move in the early morning hours.

As I road my Ebike (and yes you still pedal and work your body) the 12 km trip to the downtown harbour I talked to Doug and told him how happy I felt this morning. I had a good night’s sleep and have been reading a very intriguing book called The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O’Connor. Along the route the Parks Canada Superintendent pulled up and we had a nice chat about the nature of things. Finally I reached the harbour and stood quietly beside Doug’s memorial bench thinking about how much he meant to so many people. It was a very cold and challenging ride home but now I have my warm lemon drink and I’m ready for the bits and pieces of my day.

This feels like a normal, typical day in someone’s life and actually, in my life. At least the life I knew before Doug’s passing and even further back to before his cancer upended our daily lives. So here I am wondering how I could start with such a normal day when the past few days I’ve been in deep mourning. Even though I have read and studied and worked hard at understanding grief it, still takes me by surprise when I descend into the darkness. Even other grievers don’t always ‘get’ how crushing this is. That’s where this new book is helping me so much. The more I accept that my way of dealing with losing the most important person in my life is unique to me, the less I will worry that I am stuck in a victim mindset.

And when I thought I was, I called on David Emerald in early January to get his take on where I was. David created The Empowerment Dynamic as an antidote to the Drama Triangle where the Victim holds court. Our conversation was so personal and comforting and I was deeply grateful to David. So when I learned that on April 16th, David suddenly and peacefully passed away, I was reminded of all the good he did and how much his lessons have and will always resonate with me.

Which brings me full circle back to this morning. David’s solution to the Victim is to be a Creator and he signed off every message with “To the Creator in you”. While I didn’t consciously think about it this morning, I was taking charge of my life and doing what would move me forward. It felt so good that now I’m going to take myself out for breakfast. Here’s to the Creator in me and you and everyone.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | March 26, 2025

Reading

Today is Bruce’s birthday. At least it would have been. Bruce would have been 83 today and by everyone’s account would still be working in the electronics department of Costco. He would have had the same playful interactions with younger, admiring staff, the same knowledgeable exchanges with buyers and the same cheerful “Hello, hello, hello” as he entered the door to his home. But Bruce died six weeks after my beloved Doug. He was Doug’s older brother and Doug adored him. He was with Doug the day he died because it was worth the four hour drive early in the morning to be with his brother who he felt protective of all of their lives. And then Bruce was gone and they are off together somewhere laughing and telling stories. That’s what happens in life. People live and people die. Why is that so hard to accept?

I am reading Joan Didion’s book The Year of Magical Thinking. It is the story of her life after her husband dies suddenly. I have read dozens and dozens of books this past 16 months and now I am landing here with, again, someone who has walked this path before me. I am finding myself in the pages and nodding silently as Joan constructs my own grief and mourning. And I am thinking how comforting it is to see myself somewhere safe with someone who ‘knows’.

And I am wondering how it is for other people when they read something that reflects the point they are at in their lives. Do they see their fierceness, their courage, their humour, their determination, their excuses, their hopes and dreams? Do they leave the pages with inspiration, ideas, messages, and maybe the will to follow through where they might have stalled? How can we learn and grow from those who have trudged solidly along a narrow or rugged trail that we imagined ourselves taking? Maybe others do. Maybe I always have because I have been reading my whole life. My mother once told me in a rather non-consequential way that when I started kindergarten at 4 3/4 I announced to my father who had read to me daily that I didn’t need him to do that anymore because I could now read myself!

And I have been reading ever since. I have purchased thousands of books, borrowed hundreds from libraries, given away more than I can remember, recommended so many over the years and still, I find a new book I had never heard of that keeps me from falling asleep and pulls me awake in the morning. I love the feel of a book in my hands because all I am doing is reading. I don’t have a headset on while I am driving, riding the subway, walking or doing housework. I am just reading.

As always, with a book that I love, I am feeling a bit anxious that soon it will be over. I will complete the book today because I can’t put it down. It might be before my errands or after but it will surely be today. I am hungry for the gifts of everyday experience and wisdom that I am reading. These are my stories. Non-fiction written with transparency in the shape of memories that come and go. These are my stories.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | March 18, 2025

Head And Neck Cancer Move-A-Thon

Why I’m raising awareness about head and neck cancer

This is the second year I am participating in the April Move-A-Thon. Once again I am partnering with Sue Lim who offered (and still offers) genuine empathy and support through the Head And Neck Cancer Alliance (HNCA) since my beloved husband Doug Dailey passed away November 12, 2023. Doug endured six long years of treatment and for the five years on a feeding tube he sat through so many meals with family and friends sipping on coffee because he couldn’t eat, sharing funny stories and being kind to everyone. I am so proud to be his wife and this is my chance to be strong and resilient in his memory.

So many ‘what ifs’. If we had detected it sooner, understood the risks, had more support for treatment options, asked more questions, etc. etc. HNCA offers so much to educate and guide people. This can be a debilitating and life threatening illness. Maybe my efforts will help save someone else from the ravages of head and neck cancer.

Now, more than ever, the Cross Border Connection with my friend Sue from Seattle to my home in Tobermory, Ontario, Canada is so important. I also donate to a local Head and Neck Cancer fundraiser and am hoping I can show my support for both these organizations.

I’m ready to MOVE through April to honour my Doug and Sue’s loving husband Carl. Help me show the courage it takes to be the spouse of these much loved men who fought hard to keep living through unimaginable circumstances.

Your gift will help further the Alliance’s mission to provide hope and support to individuals impacted by head and neck cancer, raise awareness about prevention and early detection, and advocate for improved patient outcomes. Doug also had a mentor and attended Webinars to support his journey.

Thanks for your support, Love Daryl

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