Daryl Wood's Blog

Yesterday on one of my therapeutic bike rides on the back roads around my area I met up with a woman from town also biking. We rode a bit together and she shared an amazing work experience she had just returned from. We chatted and then she asked me how I was. I admitted ‘not great, today is Doug’s birthday’. I’d had a good morning sharing breakfast with a wonderful friend but by this time late in the afternoon I was sad. We had always had such great birthday celebrations and just three months before Doug died we had his 80th birthday bash. We didn’t know it would be his last and he was top of his game.

She immediately said comforting words and then we slowed to a stop where we both shared our grief. She, for the loss of her beloved father whom I had known well and me for Doug. We laughed and cried and swore and raged and hugged a lot. It was raw and real and so meaningful for both of us. I acknowledged how proud her dad would be of her and we both recognized we had known great men who were respected and loved by our community. As we were parting she mused that after 22 years why was she still feeling like this. I told her to never judge herself for how long she is grieving. Love doesn’t stop because someone is gone and never, ever deny your feelings. Clearly she is living her life full on with family and friends. There is still a hole that can’t be filled. I get that.

When I came home I found a quote I liked and sent it to her. It says “Over time, you may find people begin to question why you are ‘still’ grieving. The simplest and truest answer: I still love them, and they are still gone.”

I remind myself of that on days like yesterday.