Daryl Wood's Blog

The author Mary Pipher says ‘All our lives, we must keep appointments we did not make.” That makes me sigh a big sigh. I don’t want to keep appointments I did not make. I don’t want to have to show up for something that was not on my vision board or my to-do list. I don’t want to be present for the inevitable changes that land kerplunk in the middle of my efforts to regain a life of meaning and substance.

The appointments that are most jarring lately are the ones that awaken something in me that reveals a truth about myself that I dislike. To be shown a trait or quality that I am proud of is a blessing. For it to show up upon reflection is an unexpected gift the same as finding ripe green beans in my little greenhouse. Such joy. And then there are the ones that evoke a deep moan of ‘oh no, I am that’. They are usually reminders of how I have been over decades and sometimes they are so harsh in the reality that this is an unacknowledged way I have coped with consequences that feel heavy.

An appointment with someone who stirs a quiet, underlying anger shows me that I am often afraid to speak my mind to avoid confrontation or some form of rejection. I didn’t make this appointment. I wouldn’t have. I want ease and harmony and cooperation. I don’t want to question why I would stand aside when something is clearly said or done in an effort to control, belittle or shame. Yet, I have attended these appointments without consent only to realize they were necessary for me to see the whole of myself for some purpose. Perhaps it encourages more empathy for myself and others in a suffering world where more empathy is truly called for. And maybe it is there to ‘wake me up’ to a way of the world that I try to shield myself from. The voice I silence in an effort to feel safe is nudged in these appointments to speak up.

Who am I protecting? Who am I holding accountable? Who am I denying? Keeping appointments for me is not just about my own personal growth and learning which I believe is essential to being a good steward of the land and people I share it with. Keeping appointments is also about taking action when the need is presented.

There is some vein of determination in me that wants so much to bring others joy and peace. The appointments that create those opportunities are tender and warm. An arm to steady someone, a smile, a donation, a noticing. These appointments are easy and don’t feel like a must except in their randomness.

The uncomfortable appointments I must keep hold me up to the light and ask if I am willing to be honest and brave for the sake of the well being of all, myself and others navigating relationships that bring us to an intersection of connection or not.